All That Remains
by vagleefan
Summary: Finn and Rachel have been married just over a year when tragedy strikes.  How can Rachel pick up the pieces of her shattered life?
1. Chapter 1

**I'm going to throw my usual disclaimers out there….I don't own Glee or the characters, just the ideas. This story is a bit more serious and heartbreaking. It actual hurts my heart to write this, but I just couldn't shake the idea in my head. Hope you enjoy it all the same.**

Finn checked the frequency on his police radio once more. It had been a quiet night so far, only one call for assistance at the bank ATM machine. An elderly lady couldn't seem to understand that she needed a pin number to get money from the machine. In her frustration she dialed 911, the dispatcher thought the call was for someone attempting to rob the ATM machine. Finn had been the officer closest to the scene, so he responded with gun drawn only to find a tiny silver haired lady beating senselessly on the ATM machine. If anything, it got quite a rise out of the Lima Police Department.

His patrol car was parked at the Super 8 motel, tucked away in a hidden parking spot, waiting to catch a joyriding teen speeding through town or even a tourist unfamiliar with the speed limit. Not that he enjoyed giving speeding tickets, but if he met his monthly quota then that guaranteed him a weekend off. And a weekend off meant more time with Rachel.

They had been married just over a year and he had to admit marriage was totally not overrated as Puck had tried to tell him. Actually if he remembered correctly, Puck had said _dude, marriage is just a scam so women can have men by the balls._ Boy, was he wrong. Finn couldn't think of a better way to wake up each morning, watching Rachel's eyes flutter in her sleep, her breathing deep. Most mornings though, he was just crawling into bed as Rachel was waking up. One of the downfalls of being a rookie police officer was working most of the night shifts. Rachel worked part-time at the local bakery, aptly named _A Pinch of Heaven_ and the rest of her time was usually spent helping out at the community theater. She seemed to enjoy her work and seeing her happy made Finn happy.

Laying his head back against the headrest, his mind began sorting through ideas for the addition to their house. Within the last month, they had moved into Finn's childhood home. His mother had refused to sell it after she and Burt married, instead renting out to a host of families over the years. Finn knew Rachel would have loved the idea of a larger, flashier house, but he had his heart set on their first home together being his first home. There was a lot of work and repairs that needed to be done and they were doing them slowly. Rachel had painted walls at night, while Finn refinished floors during the day with Puck and Sam's help. They still had a ways to go before the house was to their expectations, but it was looking more like home every day.

Stretching his arms out in front of him, Finn heard the familiar crackle of the police radio. He turned it up just a bit, as the dispatcher rambled off details and code.

"Units, we have a 10-55 traveling east on King's Highway. Vehicle is a white Ford Mustang. Driver is described as a Caucasian male, mid 30's, short brown hair."

_Intoxicated driver_, he thought. Finn keyed his radio. "This is unit 1988. I'm about 3 miles from King's Highway, on my way."

He started the car, peeling out of the motel parking lot, flipping his lights and sirens on. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins as he pushed the Dodge Charger past 70 mph. He was quite sure the car would have no problems reaching that speed, however he had never had to before. Not much seemed to happen on his watch.

He slowed as he approached a red light at an intersection, glancing both ways before speeding through with his lights and sirens blaring. The sirens were so loud in fact that he didn't hear the first crunch of metal. It took a moment for him to realize that his police car was careening off the road and toward a telephone pole. Instinctively he shut his eyes tight as his car wrapped around the pole, slicing it in half and throwing him out like a ragdoll.

"Rachel." Finn tried to speak, but it only came out as a whisper. He peeked through the slits of his eyes, seeing what appeared to be a man standing over him, holding his hand.

"Don't try to talk. Help is on the way." The man assured him, fear all too real in his voice. He strained to hear what the man was telling someone apparently standing next to him. He could only make out a few words through an unrelenting headache. It felt like eternity before the paramedics arrived. Finn's sight was beginning to get hazy and black. He felt so weak and struggled to breath, barely tasting the blood that had oozed into the corner of his mouth. He started to shake violently, taking in one last ragged breath.

**This was probably the most difficult thing I have ever had to write. I really struggled with whether I should even write this story or not. I have never killed off a character, let alone one of my favorite characters, so rest assured I am just as heart broken as many of you will be, however I wanted to tell this story. So bear with me…**


	2. Chapter 2

**Once again, I don't own Glee or the characters.**

The sun was streaming through the blinds, beating down on Rachel's leg as she rolled over, trying to get comfortable. She blindly reached out for Finn, finding only an empty place next to her. Her head shot up, glancing at the alarm clock on the table next to the bed. It was 7:24 a.m. and he was usually home by now, stretched out on the bed, sound asleep. _Maybe he's making me breakfast_, she thought, a smile creeping across her face. It was Saturday morning and thankfully she was off. Finn was too, one of the many perks of reaching his ticket quota for last month. She smiled as she thought of him wearing her frilly pink apron, flipping pancakes in the kitchen. Sitting up slowly, she stretched her feet over the side of the bed, reaching over to grab her robe off the floor. She wrapped it around her, tying it tight as she padded down the hall to the kitchen.

It was eerily quiet, with no sign of Finn in the kitchen making breakfast. _Maybe we're out of coffee and he ran to get some_, she wondered, opening the cabinet to find an almost full jar of coffee on the shelf. No sign of him in the living room watching television, nor upstairs in either of the spare rooms. She walked back to the bedroom and immediately noticed his uniform wasn't in a crumpled pile next to the bathroom where he usually left it after his night shifts. Back in the kitchen, she picked up her cell phone, wondering if maybe something had come up at work and he had simply texted her to let her know he would be home late. No missed texts or calls. Rachel began chewing her fingernail nervously as her mind raced with possibilities of where he could be. She began dialing Finn's phone frantically. All of the calls went to voicemail, her texts also unanswered. She dialed her phone again, this time a different number.

"Hello?" A sleepy Burt answered the phone.

"Hi Burt, it's um Rachel. I'm terribly sorry to wake you, but was wondering if Finn was over there?" She tried to hide the worry in her voice.

"No Rachel, I haven't seen Finn since the other night when you guys came over for dinner." Burt responded. Rachel could hear Carole muttering in the background, but couldn't comprehend what she was saying. "Carole says she talked to him yesterday afternoon. Is everything ok?"

"Yes, everything is fine." She swallowed thickly. "He isn't home yet, so I thought maybe he stopped by for breakfast on his way home."

"Ah don't worry, maybe Lima just had a rough night." Burt laughed.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Rachel whispered, slowly hanging up the phone before she realized she hadn't even said goodbye. Her fingers dialed the next number before she could even comprehend who she was calling.

"There better be a good reason my sister in law is calling before 8 am on a Saturday morning." Kurt huffed into the phone.

"Hi Kurt." Rachel said softly. "You haven't heard from Finn, have you?" She could hear rustling in the background as Kurt shifted the phone. Kurt and Blaine lived in Columbus and while Rachel was sure Finn wouldn't have traveled all the way there to see them without telling her, she wasn't about to leave any stone unturned.

"You guys didn't get into a fight, did you?" His tone had softened.

"No..no, nothing like that. He, um, didn't come home from work last night." She said, reluctantly.

"Did you try dad and Carole's?" Kurt asked. Rachel steadied herself against the kitchen counter, her knees starting to shake a little.

"He's not there. I don't know where else he'd be. I guess I could call the station and see if he's just running late. It's just not like him to not call and tell me."

"Try Puckerman. He's probably involved my dear brother into some calamity this morning." Kurt suggested.

"Oh Noah knows better." Rachel scoffed.

"So you think. I bet Puck probably got wasted last night and called Finn to drive him home. Finn probably went by to check on him this morning after his shift." Kurt insisted. "If there's one thing I know, it's that my brother will help anyone…even someone as helpless as Noah Puckerman."

"Maybe you're right. I just don't understand why he didn't call me and let me know, so I wouldn't worry." Rachel sighed.

"He probably didn't want to wake you up." Kurt said.

"Thanks Kurt. Tell Blaine I'm truly sorry I called so early. Call me next week and we'll all get together for dinner, how does that sound?"

"Sounds wonderful. When you do see my brother, smack him on the head for me and tell him to find some new friends." Kurt laughed as he hung up the phone.

Rachel snapped her phone shut, glancing around the living room. She felt so silly for overreacting. Kurt was probably right. Knowing Puck, he and Sam probably went out last night, had too much to drink and called Finn, just like Kurt said. She flipped open her phone again, scrolling through her contact list for Puck's number. It rang five times before going to his voicemail. She dialed it again and again it went to his voicemail. Rachel scrolled through her contact list again, searching for the non-emergency number to the police station. Her phone rang before she could even dial the number. Without even glancing at the caller id, she flipped it open.

"Finn?" She said, breathlessly.

"Nice try Berry, why the hell are you calling me so damn early?" Puck barked into the phone. Some habits never die it seemed. Even though Rachel's last name had been Hudson for over a year, Puck still called her by her maiden name. He refused to call her anything different, so Rachel just accepted it.

"Sorry Noah, I was wondering if Finn is with you." She was taken aback by the gruffness in his voice.

"Nope, haven't seen him since Thursday. Come to think of it, that punk didn't call me back last night." Puck said, clearly irritated.

"Oh." Rachel sighed "I thought maybe…" Her words were interrupted by the ringing of the doorbell. "Hang on a second, Noah."

Rachel held the phone by her side as she opened the front door, revealing two uniform Ohio state troopers. Puck heard muffled talking, followed by a lengthy shriek. The phone dropped to the floor as he called out her name. He continued yelling into the phone. He could hear commotion in the background, but couldn't make out what was going on. Finally he could hear the phone being picked up.

"Rachel? Is everything ok?" Puck was getting really worried.

"This is Lieutenant Bowen with the Ohio State Police. Who am I speaking to?"

"This is Puck; I'm a friend of Finn and Rachel's." Puck almost stuttered as he answered. "What is going on?"

"I'm afraid there has been an accident involving Officer Hudson." The Lieutenant said sternly.

"What kind of accident?" Puck wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. He could clearly hear Rachel sobbing in the background.

"If you are indeed a friend of the Hudson's, I would kindly suggest you come over. Mrs. Hudson needs the support of her family and friends right now." The gentleman said grimly, flipping the cell phone shut without another word.

"What the hell happened?" Puck screamed into the phone, fully aware that there was no one on the other end.

**Thoughts? **


	3. Chapter 3

**And I still don't own Glee or the characters.**

Puck didn't even bother knocking on the front door. He pushed it open, rushing in to find Rachel lying on the couch, her head in Carole's lap. Her eyes were red and puffy. She was sobbing uncontrollably as Carole gently stroked her hair. Burt sat next to Carole, one hand rubbing her shoulder. No one seemed to notice Puck was even there, until Rachel finally lifted her head, looking right at him. Puck didn't even need to know what happened, he knew it was something bad.

"Oh Noah." She continued crying, as Puck came to her side, kneeling next to her. She stretched her arms out, wrapping them around his shoulders and burying her face into his neck. "He's gone, Noah. Finn's gone."

Puck had to strain to hear her through her sobs. He stroked her back gently as she wept into his neck. From his peripheral vision, he could see Carole break down, leaning her head against Burt's chest. Puck didn't know what to say. He wanted to punch the wall or better yet run out of the house, far away from the pain in his chest. He couldn't comprehend the fact that his best friend of more than ten years was dead. It just wasn't possible.

"I need some air." Burt finally said, standing up. "I'll be out back."

"I'll go with you." Carole reached for his hand.

Puck waited until they had disappeared through the back door before prying Rachel's arms from around his neck. He held onto her as he sat on the couch, releasing his hold on her once he was seated. Her body fell lifelessly against him. He listened to her whimper, handing her a tissue that Carole had left behind.

"Have you called anyone?" Puck swallowed, trying to hold back his own tears that were beginning to burn his eyes. He couldn't remember a time where he had ever cried, let alone in front of another girl.

"No. Burt called Kurt and Blaine, they're on their way." Rachel stumbled over her words. "I don't even know what to say to everyone."

"How about your dads? Are they flying in?" He asked. Rachel's dads had moved their successful attorney's practice to Miami a few years earlier. They called on a weekly basis and flew to Lima several times a year to visit, the last being just after Finn and Rachel had moved in to their house. Rachel nodded clumsily, wiping her nose with the tissue.

"I can make some calls if you need me to." Puck offered.

"Would you?" She sat up a little straighter, tucking a strand of hair behind her right ear. Her eyes were so swollen from crying she could barely open them. Puck nodded numbly.

"You need anything? Have you eaten?" He asked.

"No." Rachel shook her head. "I don't think I could eat anything right now."

"You gotta eat something." Puck insisted, brushing her hair from her face. She flinched slightly when his hand made contact with her face.

"I just can't." She started to cry again. "I-I don't even know how I'll go on."

Puck couldn't even muster a reply. He heard the back door open, Carole and Burt coming back inside. They lingered in the kitchen instead of rejoining Puck and Rachel in the living room.

"You're strong Rachel." It was the only words that came to mind.

"You didn't even ask what happened to him?" Rachel whispered. Puck was reaching his breaking point. He stood up quickly, turning to look back at Rachel laying her head against the back of the couch.

"I, uh, don't think I want to know." He mumbled, his breathing getting faster. "I better go make those calls for you."

Before Rachel could protest, Puck sprinted out of the house, slamming the front door behind him. He stopped to catch his breath on the steps, leaning forward as the tears fell from his eyes. He held on to the banister for support, fearing that if he took a step his legs would just give out. After a few seconds, his body collapsed against the railing, slipping down into a sitting position. He clutched his knees to his chest and sobbed like a baby.

**Sorry for the short chapter, but don't worry there's more to come.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you for all your support in writing this fic. I don't own Glee or the characters, even though I wish I did. Also, please don't think I hate Finn b/c of this, he's actually one of my favorite characters.**

The first time she dreamt of him was just over a week after he was buried. Carole and Burt had taken on the daunting task of planning Finn's funeral; Rachel couldn't bring herself to even talk about it anymore. She thought perhaps if she didn't speak of it, maybe it didn't really happen. As ridiculous as it sounded, she had almost convinced herself Finn was just away on travel and would be coming back home any day. Her fathers had stayed through the week, making sure Rachel tried to eat and get dressed each day, however most days she preferred to stay huddled in her bed, inhaling the last bit of Finn's scent still on his pillow.

She refused to allow anyone to wash any of his dirty clothes left behind or the sheets on their bed. Carole had brought her his wedding band, along with his wallet from the coroner's office. Rachel immediately slipped the ring on her necklace, wanting to keep it as close to her as possible.

Everyone had returned to their normal lives after the funeral, everyone except Rachel. She was on leave from the bakery, barely making it through each day. Closing her eyes for what seemed like the tenth time that day, she cuddled next to his pillow.

"_Hey beautiful." _

_Rachel's eyes popped open to find Finn lying next to her. He was wearing his favorite pair of ratty pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt._

"_Wh-What are you doing here?" She asked._

"_I live here silly." He flashed her a lop sided grin._

"_But, um…oh God…" Rachel struggled to breathe. Finn reached across her, wrapping his arm around her waist._

"_You didn't think I'd just leave you like that, did you?" Finn asked._

"_I knew you wouldn't." Tears began falling down Rachel's cheeks. Finn lifted his thumb to her cheek, wiping a tear away slowly._

"_Tell me what's been going on." He said nonchalantly. "How are you holding up?"_

"_I'm miserable without you." Before she knew it her heart felt lighter and she started babbling about everything that had happened over the last nine days. "Kurt is taking this hard too. He and Blaine just went back home yesterday. Tina and Mike stopped by today to check on me. I think Noah put them up to it. He hasn't spoken to me since your…" She paused for a moment. "Not since earlier this week."_

"_You'll get through this." He told her, pulling her closer to him. "Talk to Puck, I think he's having a harder time with this than you think."_

"_I just don't know how to go on." Rachel whimpered._

"_You're the strongest person I know, Rach." He leaned forward, pressing his lips to hers. She couldn't stop kissing him or touching him. Her fingers roamed all over his skin, despite the fact that he seemed oblivious to it._

She stirred slightly in her sleep as a noise sounded in the very back of her head, a smile plastered across her mouth. The noise was persistent, permeating every inch of her brain. Her eyes opened slowly, realizing the noise was the doorbell. She looked over at the empty spot next to her, a sad realization that everything that just happened was a dream. Her heart sank as she dragged herself out of bed, heading towards the front door. She whipped open the front door, revealing a sullen looking Puck standing on the other side. He pushed past her, stomping towards the living room and taking a seat on the couch. Rachel shut the door slowly, walking back into the living room. She sat in the oversized recliner that Finn had always loved, curling her feet up underneath of her. They both sat in silence for what seemed like eternity.

"You look like shit." Puck finally said. Rachel glanced down at her navy blue yoga pants and Finn's old McKinley t-shirt, which she had been wearing non-stop for the past four days. She realized she probably hadn't showered in at least three of those days.

"If you came here to insult me, then you can just leave." Rachel spat, anger building up inside of her. Puck shook his head slowly.

"I didn't." He said softly. Rachel cocked her head, waiting for him to explain.

"Then why did you come?" She finally asked. He looked up at her, his eyes almost vacant holes as they stared at her.

"I came to apologize." He said.

"For what?" She was confused.

"For avoiding you." Puck sighed, breaking his stare, looking at the floor instead. "It's just…"

"What?" Rachel leaned forward in the chair, her eyes pleading for an answer. Puck's smacked the couch cushion, his race turning a deep shade of red. He stood up, pacing the floor for a few seconds, before finally turning to her.

"God dammit Rachel, it's just too hard to be around you, to be here." Puck flung his arm in the air, motioning around the room. "I made a promise to Finn when he first got out of the police academy."

"What kind of promise?" This was the first she had ever heard of this.

"He made me promise I would look after you if anything ever happened to him." Puck's voice was almost a whisper. Rachel's breath caught in her throat, hearing these words for the first time. She wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of her shirt.

"He did?" Rachel couldn't stop the tears that were falling down her face. Puck didn't seem to notice.

"But do you realize how fucking hard that is for me?" Puck started to pace the floor again. "I can't come in this house without thinking about him and I sure as hell can't see you without thinking about him."

"For you?" Rachel stared at him in outrage, unable to control the tears and anger. His words were like a knife in her heart. Puck stopped pacing, unable to make eye contact with her. "You think this is only hard for _you_? I lost the love of my life, my best friend, Noah. How in the hell do you think that makes me feel? I go to bed every night praying that when I wake up he'll be right next to me and this was all just a bad dream."

"I'm sorry, Rach. I didn't mean.." He was at her side, hand on her arm. She pushed him away, standing up to be face to face with him.

"Sorry for what? Sorry that I'm a widow." Rachel screamed. "I'm so tired of everyone feeling sorry for me."

Puck reached for her arm, pulling her into an embrace. Her body crashed against his, her face pressed against his chest. He stroked her hair as she continued to cry.

"I miss him so much Noah." Rachel said through broken sobs, her face still in Puck's chest, her arms clutching his back as if she were afraid to let go.

"Me too." Puck drew her into a tighter embrace. "Me too."

**I'm not gonna lie, that was probably one of the most difficult chapters to turn out. As hard as that was, I still hope you like it! And for those that may have not noticed, I changed the characters in this story to Rachel & Puck, only b/c they both have such a large role in it…that's not to say Finn won't be making appearances, b/c as you can see, he will.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I can't thank you all enough for the story alerts. I tend to skip over time in my stories, not to keep my readers in the dark, but to really just get to the important events. I have a hard time writing about trivial things, so I apologize to those that prefer chapters that are day to day. Enjoy!**

Puck tilted his head back, bringing the glass to his mouth and draining the contents. Slamming the empty glass back on the table, he let out an exasperated sigh. Sam rolled his eyes as he watched his friend order another Jack and Coke. Puck had always been the one to throw back a few more beers than everyone else, but lately it seemed he had been throwing back more than a few beers and he was becoming sloppy about it. The waitress brought Puck and Sam another round despite the fact that Sam had declined; Puck had ignored him and ordered him another beer. Sam knew Puck was still reeling from Finn's death three weeks earlier, but he could no longer overlook the disastrous path Puck seemed to be headed down.

Puck and Sam both worked for a local construction company and while business certainly wasn't booming, it still was no excuse for Puck's lack of attendance over the last week. And when he did show up, he was usually hung over or worse, still slightly drunk. Finn's accident had taken its toll on Puck and that was never more apparent than now.

"Hey, how about I get you home." Sam suggested, watching Puck consume yet another drink.

"I'm not ready to go yet." Puck slurred, waving his empty glass in the air to signal the waitress. She reappeared, taking the glass from Puck, as Sam shook his head at her to indicate Puck was done drinking for the night.

"Come on, we gotta be at work early tomorrow so we can get started on that new house being built in Serenity Lakes, remember?" Sam stood, grabbing for Puck's arm. Puck slapped his hand away.

"Up you go." Sam decided he was done playing nice, placing his hands under Puck's arms and lifting him out of the chair. Puck stumbled, grabbing onto the table to steady himself.

"Where are my keys?" Puck started to walk away from the table with Sam's assistance, but stopped, turning to look at the seat he had just left unoccupied.

"Look dude, you're in no shape to drive home tonight. You live close enough that we can just walk the couple of blocks to your place and come back and get your truck tomorrow." Sam said. Puck shook his head in protest. Sam ignored him, instead directing his friend out of the bar.

Puck tripped as soon as he stepped outside into the warm summer air, falling onto the sidewalk. Sam threw out his hand to help him up, noticing that Puck was laughing, despite his skinned up knee. He wobbled as he walked, continuing to laugh.

"You remember that time we all went to the beach and got so drunk we went back to the wrong motel? And Finn fell down trying to go through the motel door." Puck asked, trying to stifle his laughter as he slurred his words.

"Yeah, I do." Sam moved to Puck's right, trying to prevent him from wandering out into the street.

"And Rachel and Tina got so mad when we got home and they found out. Finn ratted us out when Rachel asked about the scrapes on his hands and legs. Damn we had some good times." Puck grinned.

"Yep, we sure did." Sam chuckled, thinking back to that boy's weekend he, Puck, Mike, and Finn had taken just a few short years earlier. Sam was lost in thought and didn't realize Puck had stopped walking. He turned to see Puck sitting on the sidewalk Indian style with his face in his hands. "Dude, you can't just park yourself in the middle of the sidewalk, we're almost to your house."

"I'm a fucking mess, Evans." Puck shouted. Sam walked back over to him.

"You're right Puckerman, you are." Sam said. He looked up and down the street to make sure no one was around, afraid someone would report him for being drunk in public. "Do you think Finn would want to see you like this?"

Puck raised his head, looking up at Sam hovering over him. He shook his head slowly.

"No." He whispered. Puck stuck his arm for Sam to help him up.

The rest of the walk home was silent; Puck still weaving from the effects of the alcohol. Sam stopped walking just a few feet shy of Puck's yard, noticing a silhouette sitting on his front steps. Puck obviously didn't notice, as he continued walking. It wasn't until he was making his way up the sidewalk that he aware of her presence. Sam called to him that he was going to walk back to the bar and get his own car, expecting to see Puck bright and early on the job. Puck stopped in front of Rachel, who was sitting on the steps, her knees clasped close to her body as if she were cold.

"Noah." Rachel said, blinking rapidly.

"What are you doing here?" He asked, his head still spinning. He felt like he needed to sit down before he fell again.

"I-I couldn't sleep." She stood up, waiting for him to walk up the steps and let them both into the house. He didn't, choosing to sit down on the steps instead, so she followed, sitting back down next to him. Rachel leaned her head on his shoulder, content to sit in silence for the moment. Puck wasn't sure exactly what came over him, though he was pretty sure it was the alcohol, but before he could realize what was happening, his hand was cupping Rachel's face and he was kissing her hard. He forced her lips apart, darting his tongue in and out. He clawed at her hair as she ran her hands over his shoulders. She could taste the Jack Daniels on his breath and for the moment she didn't even care. She just wanted to fill this gaping hole in her heart.

Clumsily they both stood up, Puck's hand underneath Rachel's shirt, rubbing her bare skin. They both fumbled backwards towards the front door, Puck silently thankful he had forgotten to lock the door before he left earlier. He tore off his shirt, dropping it in the hallway as he led her back to his bedroom in the dark. Rachel pulled her shirt over her head as Puck wrenched her skirt from her body, tossing it on the floor before pushing her back on the bed. He pressed his lips against hers again, her hands clawing at the back of his neck, as he thrust himself into her. Rachel whimpered slightly, her lips still connected with his. Puck pumped in and out of her hard several times, giving one final thrust that sent him over the edge. Panting, he fell off of her, lying down next to her. Neither said anything, only his heavy breathing could be heard as he fell asleep.

Rachel turned on her side for a moment, tears falling from her eyes. _What have I done_, she thought. Rolling back over, she could see Puck's naked body glistening from the moonlight peeking through the blinds. One arm was draped over his forehead, his eyes closed. She quickly moved off of the bed, scrambling to find her clothes. She dressed as swiftly as she could, her sobs now coming in uncontrollable bursts. Racing out of the house, she jumped into her car, clutching the steering wheel as hard as she could. She drove home frantically, her head clouded and her heart wounded. All she wanted to do was get home and take a shower, hoping to wash away the guilt she felt for what had just happened.

**Ok, so don't hate me, Puck or Rachel for that chapter…they are both hurting very badly and obviously not making sound choices, as you can tell. Everything in my stories happen for a reason! And don't worry; the two of them will deal with this.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Thank you for the reviews and the numerous story alerts and also for not being angry about the last chapter. Not only are those two not making wise choices during their grieving process, but this just needed to happen. Enjoy!**

The shrill of the cell phone startled Rachel as she sat on the living room floor, feet spread wide and pictures scattered all over the floor. She moved a few pictures, finding the phone buried beneath. Glancing at the screen, she tossed it back on the floor. She picked up a handful of photos, flipping through them with a smile. She had found a few duplicate copies of their wedding photos. _Finn looked so handsome in his suit_, she thought as she continued to flip through them. There was one of her and Kurt and Finn laughing, another of Kurt, Blaine, Tine and Mike enjoying the reception, and one her shoving wedding cake into Finn's mouth. The final picture in the pile made her breath hitch in her throat. It was of Finn and Puck, Finn's arm slung around Puck's shoulder, both men smiling.

The sharp ring of her cell phone caused her to jump slightly, dropping the photo. Her heart was beating rapidly, her stomach churning. She snatched the phone off the floor, peeking quickly at the screen to see who was calling, before throwing it across the room in a fit of anger. The phone bounced off the floor, hitting the front door just as it opened. Carole poked her head around the door, spying the cell phone lying on the floor. She glanced up to see Rachel sitting on the living room floor, all color drained from her face.

"Hey, I hope I didn't catch you at a bad time." Carole apologized, closing the front door behind her. She walked into the living room, immediately recognizing many of the photos surrounding Rachel. "I saw your car in the driveway, so I thought I'd stop by and see how things were going."

Rachel tried to compose herself, gathering the photos quickly, stuffing them back in the box they had come from. Carole bent down to help her, plucking several photos up and smiling triumphantly.

"He always was so photogenic." Carole smiled, handing Rachel the photos. Rachel smiled numbly, placing the last of the pictures back into the box.

"Yes he was." Rachel whispered, wondering when she'd ever get used to the word _was_. It never seemed to get any easier to think of him in the past tense.

Carole sat in Finn's favorite recliner, while Rachel pulled herself up and took a seat on the couch. She and Carole never had trouble conversing before this tragic event, now they both sat in complete silence. Rachel was sure her mother-in-law could sense her guilt, maybe even smell Puck's sweat on her. She had taken a shower and practically scrubbed her skin raw, trying to erase every trace of what had occurred the night before. Sleep had escaped her, and the brief period she did rest, all she could do was replay her and Puck's tryst in her mind. Her phone began ringing around 10 a.m. and continued for most of the day, all calls from Puck and all unanswered by Rachel.

"Kurt and Blaine are coming up this weekend; we'd love to have you over for dinner." Carole finally said, interrupting Rachel's thoughts.

"I'm not sure if I can make it." Rachel managed a feeble smile. Carole stood up, coming over to sit next to Rachel on the couch. She tool Rachel's hand in hers, her eyes glistening.

"Look Rachel, I know the pain is still very raw for you." She squeezed Rachel's hands. "You don't have to remind me; I lost a son in this too. This is a devastating loss for all of us. But you know we're your family too. I feel like you're shutting us out. Kurt says you haven't returned any of his calls and I feel like you've been avoiding me."

"I've been trying to keep busy with work and just started going back to the theater. I thought that would help pass the time." Her throat was dry as she spoke.

"How about Puck?' Carole asked. "I know he's been taking this hard too." Rachel felt her hands turn cold and clammy as Carole spoke.

"I, uh, um, guess he's doing ok." Rachel tried to change the subject. "If the rehearsal at the theater is brief this weekend, then I'll do my best to come by for dinner."

Carole nodded her head, smiling triumphantly. She patted Rachel's hand, bringing her closer for a hug.

"You know Burt and I are always here if you need us, right?" She stood, gathering her purse.

"I do." Rachel smiled, accompanying Carole to the front door. "I'm glad you stopped by."

Rachel opened the front door for Finn's mother, nearly colliding with Puck as he attempted to knock on the door. Puck eyed Carole then turned his gaze to Rachel. They all three stood in awkward silence for a brief moment, before Carole grinned at Puck.

"Well, what a surprise. I was just asking Rachel about you." Puck stood completely still, an uncomfortable look on his face.

"Oh yeah?" Puck raised an eyebrow, his eyes meeting Rachel's, who looked away quickly.

"You shouldn't be a stranger either, Noah. Stop by and see Burt and I some time." She patted him on his arm as he moved out of her way. She turned and smiled at both of them, an almost pained look on her face. "Remember what I said, Rachel."

Rachel nodded silently as Carole walked towards her car. She and Puck both waited until Carole has started her car, disappearing down the street, before either made a move. Rachel simply swung the front door shut before Puck could say anything. Throwing his hand against the door before it closed, he pushed it back open, walking in after her and shutting the door behind him.

"You can't keep ignoring me." He sighed. Rachel walked over to the box of photos. Picking it up, she carried it back to her bedroom. Puck trailed behind, waiting for a response. He looked around her bedroom, noticing a few empty boxes, along with some of Finn's clothing lying on the bed. Rachel placed the box of pictures on her dresser and turned, surprised that Puck had followed her.

"What do you want me to say, Noah?" She asked, watching him eye the contents of her room.

"About last night, I'm sorry. I never…" Rachel cut him off.

"Last night was a mistake. I shouldn't have come over in the first place." Rachel pursed her lips. She pushed past Puck, ramming her shoulder into his arm as she stomped out of the room. He reached out, grabbing her arm and spinning her around. She bent her head, avoiding his stare.

"We both had a bad judgment call Berry; I get it, but stop acting like you're the only one who lost someone. Finn was my friend too." He let go of her hand, willing her to look up, but she didn't.

"Do you always make it a habit of sleeping with the wives of your friends?" Rachel finally looked up, anger flashing in her eyes.

"God dammit Rachel, you were there too. You know this little pity party for one is getting old." Puck's voice boomed throughout the bedroom, as tears fell from Rachel's eyes.

"You should leave." She demanded, taking a few steps away from him.

"I'm sorry." He stepped towards her, as she wiped her eyes with the palm of her hand. "I shouldn't have lashed out like that…"

"Just go." She swatted at his arm blindly, retreating instead to the bed. She fell on top of the pile of shirts that were lying on the bed. Through her sobs she could faintly hear the door slam as Puck left, only making her cry harder into one of Finn's shirts.

**So much pain…don't despair, some good things will happen. Bear with me.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you all so much for the story alerts, at least I know someone is reading it! I don't own Glee or the characters, but wish I did! Enjoy…**

Rachel slipped her shades back on, picking up her water and taking a cautious sip. Kurt had come up from Columbus to visit for a few days, insisting that Rachel and Tina meet him for lunch. She reluctantly agreed, but only with the promise that they eat at the local café, so she could sit outside and get a little sun. She had felt a little sluggish over the last week, to the point of feeling a bit queasy for two of those, today being one of them. _Nothing a little sun and some lunch can't cure_, she thought. She had also successfully avoided Puck for almost two weeks, tucking their night of regret further back in her mind. From what Tina had told her, he was happily drinking himself into a stupor, while Rachel seemed to withdraw inside herself, content to be alone more often than not. Quickly becoming a crafty actress, Rachel had most of her friends and family fooled into thinking she was handling Finn's death quite well.

She watched her two friends laugh as they chatted, including her in the conversation, yet she was too lost in thought to hear much of what they were saying. Rachel had spent most of the previous night in a fitful sleep, dreaming of Finn for the second time since the accident. This dream was a little longer than the first; this time mixed with things that she knew had happened and some that had not.

_I was a quick, wet boy, diving too deep for toys _

_All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys_

_Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair_

_Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere._

_Finn pulled Rachel closer as they twirled around the dance floor. He was glad Rachel had objected to Tina's idea of using this song for their first dance. Not that it was a terrible song; just not what they both thought was an appropriate "wedding" song. In true Rachel style, she hadn't wanted to hurt Tina's feelings, so she made sure the song was played at some point during the reception, so they could dance to it anyways._

_Have I found you_

_Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, American mouth_

_Big pill looming_

_Rachel leaned into Finn's chest, as other couples joined them on the dance floor. She was excited to even see her fathers on the dance floor, holding each other close. Soon enough her big day would be over. So much time and preparation had gone into making this wedding special, despite Puck's speech, which Artie had so thoughtfully interrupted. He obviously noted the embarrassment on everyone's faces as Puck rambled on about prom nights, Glee club trips and that one infamous party at Rachel's house her dads had known nothing about. She watched as Blaine pulled Kurt from his chair and led him to the dance floor._

"_What ya thinking about?" Finn asked. She looked up from his chest, into his chestnut brown eyes, a smile on her face._

"_Just how lucky we are to be able to share our special day with our amazing family and friends."_

"_It's not over yet." He winked, placing a kiss on her forehead._

_Have I found you_

_Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, American mouth_

_Big pill stuck going down_

_Rachel sat in a field, surrounded by lilacs; Finn sitting behind her. She wondered how she had gone from being at their wedding one minute to this serene landscape the next. Dancing at her wedding; the conversation with Finn there had very much occurred in her conscious state, but she didn't recognize this field. Finn sat with his legs spread, knees bent. She was sitting in between his legs, his arms around her waist, rubbing her very pregnant belly. Rachel wanted to scream at Finn and tell him this wasn't real. This field was imaginary and there certainly wasn't any baby, but for some reason none of the words came from her mouth. _

"_I can't wait to meet our son." He cooed in her ear._

"_Not too much longer." She heard herself say._

"_My mom loves the name we picked out." He grinned. Rachel turned, staring at him in shock, then playfully smacked him on the arm._

"_I thought we weren't going to spoil the surprise of his name. It's bad enough everyone already knows the sex of the baby." She whined. Finn ducked his head sheepishly, leaning into the back of her neck._

"_I couldn't help it. I had to tell someone." He was like a kid in a toy store, practically gushing with excitement._

"_Well I love the name we picked too." Rachel smiled, snuggling her head against his bicep "I certainly hope he doesn't get his height from me."_

"_Well I hope he doesn't get his dancing abilities from me." Finn laughed. He rubbed her belly once more. "Caleb Finn Hudson, I hope you're just like your mom."_

"Rachel…" Kurt was shaking her arm. Jolted, she leaned forward in her seat, slightly confused as to why Tina and Kurt were staring at her.

"Caleb." She whispered ever so softly. Kurt and Tina exchanged confused glances. Rachel felt the all too familiar rumbling in the bottom of her stomach. She politely excused herself and practically ran to the bathroom inside of the café, acutely aware at the stares she was getting.

"I don't think she has heard a word we said." Tina sighed, flopping back in her chair.

"And what's with the name whispering and running from the table? Is this a panic attack?" Kurt asked, craning his neck to see if Rachel had reappeared. Tina shrugged, taking a sip from her iced tea.

Rachel reemerged a few minutes later, damp paper towel in hand, her face pale. She mumbled a quick apology, grabbing her purse, promising she would call them both later. Tina and Kurt sat in shock, mouths both agape, as Rachel hustled out of the café.

**Thoughts? Boy, these dreams are really getting to Rachel…**


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you again for all of the reviews and story alerts. It means so much to know that there are folks out there who really do enjoy this story. I forgot to credit the song used in the last chapter, which I'm pretty sure most of you recognize…Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine. Love it! Enjoy…**

Rachel rubbed her fingers over the stick; almost as if she did it would change the end results. Sadly she knew that couldn't happen, yet the strange dream she had days earlier now made sense. Her head was pounding. She sat on her front steps, her hair cascading around her face; sweat beading at the nape of her neck. The summer heat was in full force. She would have certainly felt more comfortable inside her house with the cool air; however she didn't think she could muster up the courage for this confession surrounded by anything but stifling heat. It felt suffocating, much like how she felt right now. She could hear Puck's truck rumble down the street, not bothering to even look up as he parked in her driveway. He didn't say a word as he walked up the sidewalk, coming to a dead stop in front of her, hands thrust deep into the pocket of his shorts.

"So Berry, what's so important that you insisted I drop whatever I was doing to come over?" Rachel flinched slightly at his question. For such a brief time he had taken to actually calling her Rachel and to be honest she actually liked it. Puck waited impatiently for a response; instead Rachel thrust something towards his chest. Taking his hand from his pocket, he grabbed it from her, turning it over to inspect it.

"What the hell is this?" He asked. Rachel tucked her hair behind both of her ears, looking past Puck instead of at him.

"What does it look like?" She spat. "It's a pregnancy test."

"I know what it is." Puck shot back. The two had barely spoken in the last few weeks, reducing their so-called friendship to occasional nods in public if they ran into each other. Puck had kept his promise to Finn indirectly, calling on Mike and Tina to check on Rachel and update him on how she was doing. Other than that, the two had stayed clear of each other.

"It's positive, Noah." Rachel finally whispered, her shoulders slumped in defeat. Puck simply stared at the test, his eyes glues on the two lines. Feeling his knees begin to wobble, he sat down next to her on the steps, the test still clutched in his hand.

"Wow." Puck muttered, running his free hand through his short hair. He didn't know what else to say. This was the last thing he expected when she had finally called him. Sure, he felt guilty for what had happened between him and Rachel, but it was something they were trying to put behind them. Now that would never happen, they would constantly have a reminder of that night. He watched as Rachel wrapped her arms around her knees, laying her head on her arms. He could hear her crying. Not knowing what else to do, Puck placed his hand on her back, rubbing small gentle circles while she sobbed.

"This wasn't supposed to happen." She continued crying, turning her head on her arms to face Puck. "What am I going to tell people? How can I face my dads or Kurt or Burt or worse, Carole?"

"I-I don't know." Puck stuttered, wondering how he would explain this to his own mother. She was always harping on him about settling down and giving her a grandchild, but he knew she didn't mean like this.

"I made an appointment with an ob-gyn for Thursday afternoon." Rachel whispered, her sobs now replaced by sniffles.

"You need me to go with you?" Puck offered, unsure if that was even the right thing to do. Rachel perked up, raising her head from her knees, her eyes still glistening from her tears.

"Would you?"

"Sure, I can just get off work a little early." He nodded. Realizing he was still rubbing her back, he pulled his hand away slowly. She dropped her gaze to the ground when she felt him pull away.

"I'm not going to tell anyone just yet." Rachel said, after a few seconds of silence. She looked back up to gauge Puck's reaction. He simply nodded in agreement. "And I want to be the one to tell Finn's family. I would rather they hear it from me than anyone else."

"I don't know if I will even be able to face his mom again." Puck let out a deep breath. "Deep down, I think she's always thought I was trouble, now she's going to really hate me."

"Somehow I think she may think worse of me." The thought of her mother-in-law angry with her brought tears to Rachel's eyes again. Without thinking, Puck wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer. She leaned her head against his chest, trying to control her sobs, but it did no good. She continued crying; weeping for all the hurt she felt she was going to cause. For most women, this was one of the happiest times of their lives, but Rachel knew it was just the opposite for her. She should've been sharing this moment with Finn, crying tears of happiness while trying to figure out how to make the big announcement to the unsuspecting grandparents. Instead, she was shrouded in shame, huddled next to Puck, confessing that the child she was carrying was his, wondering how she could live through the disappointment and humiliation of telling her dads and Finn's family.

Puck wasn't good with talking about feelings or even giving comforting words, so he just let Rachel cry. He felt like he had been punched in the stomach, wondering if he really was as bad of a person as some people thought to deserve the hand he had been dealt. Sure, he brought this last part on himself, but not everything else. The father he never knew, Quinn giving Beth up for adoption, and even Finn's death seemed like such a hard blow for someone to deal with who hadn't even lived half of his life yet. And now hearing his best friend's widow telling him she was pregnant with his baby. His heart sank as the words floated through his head. _Maybe I really am that bad of a person_, he thought.

**Funny how just a few exchanged words can change the dynamic with these two. Thoughts?**


	9. Chapter 9

**Even though this story only has a handful of reviews, I am so touched by those that have taken the time to comment and the story alerts this has generated. That gives me an incredible boost of confidence as a writer. I know so many of you have guessed where this story is going and I sort of feel guilty for leading you on…I've known how this story would go from the beginning and I'm happy with it going that way, so just trust me when I say it will still be good (or at least I hope you all think so!). Enjoy…**

The clock on the wall ticked loudly, each second another reminder that Puck wasn't there. She had called to remind him of the appointment just the day before and while she sensed he seemed pre-occupied; he still assured her he would meet her at the doctor's office. However, now Rachel sat alone in the examining room, a thin paper gown pulled tightly around her; feet dangling off the end of the examining table. The nurse had already retrieved a urine sample and taken her blood pressure. Now the obstetrician was ready to see her. She fidgeted nervously with the gown, a light rapping on the door interrupting her thoughts. She perked up; expecting to see Puck, but it was only Dr. Burke. The doctor introduced herself and shook Rachel's hand. After skimming over the handful of papers in Rachel's chart, she began peppering her with questions, mostly about her medical history.

"Is this your first pregnancy?" the doctor asked.

"Yes." Rachel was sure she had already listed that on the paperwork she had filled out when she arrived.

"And it says here you're unsure of when your last menstrual cycle was?" Dr. Burke raised her eyebrow.

"Well yes and no." Rachel said. "My period has been a little abnormal for the last month."

"Abnormal how?" Dr. Burke questioned.

"I didn't have a normal period this past month, just off and on spotting." Rachel explained, keeping her tone low.

"Any other changes lately? Have you been under any stress? Changed birth control methods?" Dr. Burke looked up from the chart, noticing that Rachel's eyes were almost closed, her head hanging down.

"A tremendous amount of stress, yes." Rachel didn't want to go into details. She was actually surprised that Dr. Burke had asked this. Didn't she recognize her name? Pictures of Finn's funeral had graced the local newspapers, including one of her and Kurt arm in arm at the graveside service. Her name had been splashed all over the local news stations as well immediately after the accident. Dr. Burke continued to look at her puzzled, waiting for what seemed to be more of an explanation. Rachel refused to give it to her.

"Well then, let's get a listen and see if we can hear a heartbeat." Dr. Burke sat her chart on the counter. "I'll be right back"

The doctor disappeared into the hallway, leaving Rachel alone once again. Rachel was a little taken back by her abruptness. She had always thought these kinds of doctors were caring and compassionate, eager to please impending mothers. Dr. Burke had come off nosy and intrusive, not very sympathetic or understanding. Rachel crossed her arms, a small pout forming on her mouth. _Maybe I'll request a new doctor_, she thought. The creaking of the door opening wider made her jump slightly, wiping the pout from her face. She fully expected Dr. Burke to be standing there with the necessary equipment to listen to her baby's heartbeat, but instead Puck came stumbling through the door, closing it quickly behind him.

"Sorry I'm late." He mumbled, plopping down in the chair next to the door. Rachel noticed he looked slightly disheveled, his eyes almost bloodshot.

"I thought maybe you changed your mind." Rachel said softly. Puck shook his head.

"I slept through my alarm." He said, not offering any more information. Rachel didn't need any, she figured he was probably out on a date the previous night and she certainly didn't want to hear the sordid details.

"I'm just waiting for the doctor to come back in. She wants to check for a heartbeat." Rachel explained, just as a tapping echoed on the door. Dr. Burke let herself back in, a look of surprise on her face when she noticed Puck sitting behind the door.

"Is this dad?" Dr. Burke asked, extending her hand out to Puck.

"Yes." Rachel whispered. Puck stood, shaking the doctor's hand, only to sit right back down again.

"Now Rachel, you can go ahead and lie back on the table." Rachel did as the doctor said, letting Dr. Burke push a small opening in her gown, exposing her bare stomach. "I'm going to put a small amount of this gel on your stomach and I'll warn you now, it's going to be cold."

Rachel let out a small squeal as the doctor rubbed the gel all around her stomach with what she explained was a fetal doppler. Noise filled the room, but Rachel wasn't sure what exactly she was listening for. Dr. Burke continued to run the machine over her belly, pushing hard against several places until finally a faint whooshing sound could be heard. The look on Dr. Burke's face was confirmation for Rachel that this was what she had been searching for.

"There it is." Dr. Burke announced. "That's your baby's heartbeat."

Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Whoosh. Rachel seemed to tune everything else out, everything except the beat of her baby's heartbeat. She could barely make out Dr. Burke saying something else, her concentration instead on the lulling noise the baby's heartbeat was making.

"_I think three is a perfect number." Rachel smiled._

"_Um ok, perfect for what?" Finn asked, slightly confused as to her sudden fascination with numbers. He turned his attention back to the ridiculous romantic comedy she and Kurt were forcing him to watch._

"_Children, of course." She explained. "Finn, we were both only children growing up and I know how lonely that can be. I think that would be selfish of us to only have one child as well."_

"_Yeah, um ok." It was all he could say, wondering how this conversation even came up. They weren't even out of high school yet and she was already planning how many kids they would have._

"_You two are ruining this movie for me." Kurt plugged his ears with his fingers. "I don't need to hear any discussions that involve the two of you procreating."_

"_Pro what?" Finn wrinkled his nose._

"_Oh please Finn, you know…doing the deed." Kurt sighed, taking his fingers out of his ears. Rachel's face turned a deep shade of pink as Finn punched Kurt in the arm._

"Rachel…" Her eyes fluttered opening. She couldn't remember closing them, yet Dr. Burke and Puck were both staring at her, concerned looks draped across their faces.

"Yes."

"I was just saying that the baby's heartbeat is nice and strong, however I would like for you to schedule a sonogram on your way out. That way we can get a look at the baby and get a more accurate due date."

"Ok." Rachel replied as Dr. Burke disappeared out into the hallway. Rachel hopped off the table, collecting her shirt and purse. She glanced at Puck who was now standing awkwardly next to the examining table. "Can you turn around so I can put my shirt back on?"

"Really Berry, it's nothing I obviously haven't seen before." He sighed. She cocked her head, giving him a piercing look. Puck threw his hands up in the air in defeat and turned around.

"So I told my mom last night." Puck said out loud. He could hear the rustling of Rachel's paper gown.

"Wait…what? I thought we were going to wait." Rachel said, the anxiety in her tone suddenly apparent.

"I figured I should at least get _that_ part out of the way." He shrugged. Rachel folded her used gown neatly, laying it back on the examining table.

"Well? What did she say?" Rachel asked, still content to converse with Puck from behind even though she was dressed.

"She's pissed. Mostly at me for…how did she put it? Not thinking with the head on my shoulders and being so irresponsible. Just like my dad, she said." Puck snorted, thrusting his hands in his pockets. Rachel eased up next to him, placing a hand on his arm.

"I'm sorry; she shouldn't have said that to you Noah." Rachel whispered.

"No, she's right." Puck reached for the door. "Another Puckerman fuck up, I guess."

And with that he was gone. The door slammed shut, causing Rachel to flinch, as she stood in the examining room alone once again.

**Yikes! There's a whole lot of assuming going on from both sides. You know what they say about that right? More to come…**


	10. Chapter 10

**Well I couldn't help it, had to crank out another chapter immediately. There's so much these characters need to work through, so lots of story left! Thanks again for all of your kind words and for taking time the time to read this, it means so much. Enjoy…**

She found his truck parked at The Landing Strip, an oddly named bar Rachel had always thought. After driving around for over an hour, this was the last place she thought to check. He had bolted from the doctor's office earlier in what she perceived as aggravation. She hadn't called him immediately upon leaving; waiting instead for him to come to his senses and contact her. Several hours later she found herself still waiting.

The bar was dimly lit causing her to squint her eyes immediately upon entering. She scanned the room for Puck to no avail. She did however spot Sam sitting at a table by himself. His back was turned to her and he remained completely still, sipping his beer, as Rachel seated herself on the opposite side of the table.

"I saw his truck outside." Rachel said, staring at Sam whose chair was turned to face the stage. He sat very stoic, eyes staring straight ahead.

"He went to the bathroom." Sam replied, taking another sip of his beer. Rachel noted a slight look of defeat on his face.

"He's not expecting me." Rachel said softly. A waitress appeared, setting a cocktail napkin in front of Rachel. Rachel shook her head at the offer of a beer or cocktail, instead asking for a glass of water with lemon.

"He told me." Sam said flatly, setting his beer on the table.

"Told you what?" Rachel sat up a little straighter, pretending she hadn't a clue what he was talking about. Sam shifted his body so he was facing Rachel.

"He told me you're pregnant." She was sure Sam could see right through her. "Though maybe that was just the beer talking."

"Oh." She mumbled. She was positive the expression on her face told Sam all he needed to know. Before either could say another word, a sharp shrill from the microphone on stage distracted them. It was karaoke night and though it was early, there still was never a big crowd clambering to sing. Rachel looked on in alarm as she watched Puck stagger across the stage, dragging the microphone stand behind him.

"This is for everyone who thinks I'm a fuck up." Puck raised an imaginary glass in the air, as a tune Rachel didn't recognize began playing. She could tell he had too much to drink already.

_Can we forget about the things I said_

_When I was drunk_

_I didn't mean to call you that_

_I can't remember what was said_

_Or what you threw at me_

_Please tell me, Please tell me why?_

_My car is in the front yard_

_And I'm sleeping with my clothes on_

_I came in through the window last night_

_And you're gone, gone_

Rachel shifted uncomfortably as Sam slammed his beer back down on the table. He jumped up from his seat and headed towards the stage.

_It's no surprise to me_

_I am my own worst enemy_

'_Cause every now and then_

_I kick the living shit out of me_

_The smoke alarm is going off_

_When there's a cigarette_

_Still burning_

_Please tell me why?_

_My car is in the front yard_

_And I'm sleeping with my-_

Sam grabbed Puck by the arm, cutting him off mid-sentence and shoving him across the stage, a steady stream of obscenities flowing from Puck's mouth as the microphone stand dropped with a thud behind them. Several bar patrons were booing at the interruption of the entertainment. Biting her lip, Rachel watched as Sam pushed Puck across the room and into the chair he had vacated just moments earlier.

"What are you doing here?" Puck slurred, as Sam seated himself next to Rachel.

"Why are you doing this Noah?" Rachel ignored his question.

"Doing what? I was just singing." He smiled. "I thought you liked singing Rach."

"That's not what I meant." She said, sternly. Sam shook his head as he watched Puck spin a salt shaker around. It tumbled over, flinging salt across the table. Puck pinched his fingers together, picking up a tiny amount of salt then dropping it back on the table. Even though he was clearly intoxicated, Puck knew exactly what Rachel was referring to.

"It's what you all expect, isn't it?" She hated to hear the gruffness in his voice. "I keep disappointing people, so why stop now?"

"Who do you think you've disappointed?" Rachel asked firmly. Puck slouched back in his seat.

"Where do I begin…" He sighed, his words still slurred. "My ma, my boss, you, Evans, Finn."

"You haven't disappointed me, Noah." She tried to reassure him. "I certainly don't always like your behavior, but you haven't disappointed me."

"I feel like I have." Puck argued, raising his voice slightly.

"Dude, you've got to stop doing this." Sam finally interjected. Rachel gave Sam a sympathetic nod, before turning her attention back to Puck. His eyes were closed, a hand planted on his forehead massaging his temples.

"Ma was right; I'm turning out just like my old man." Puck spat, still rubbing his forehead.

"That excuse is getting really old." Sam rolled his eyes. He was exhausted. Not just from working, but from trying to pick up his friend out of the whole he had dug for himself. This has gone on for weeks and Sam was emotionally drained.

"Sam's right, Noah." Rachel interjected. "You're nothing like your dad. He was a coward and took the easy way out."

"Look Puckerman, you need to get your head out of your ass and get your shit together." Sam slapped a hand on the table, causing both Puck and Rachel to flinch. Rachel had never seen Sam be so assertive. "If you keep on like this, then you _will_ turn out like your dad and I don't believe for a minute that's what you want."

Puck was still reeling from the sting of Sam's words when his friend abruptly stood up. He apologized to Rachel for his language and mumbled something about having to go. Rachel watched him disappear through the exit, while Puck sat in complete silence. Rachel signaled the waitress over and ordered a glass of water for Puck.

"I know you're scared." Rachel said, pushing the glass of water the waitress had brought over to him.

"What makes you think I'm scared?" He asked, the gruffness returning in his voice.

"The way you're acting." Rachel said, softly. Puck just shook his head back and forth. "I'm scared too, Noah. I'm scared of what people will think of me."

"You're always worried about what other people think of you." Puck snorted.

"Much like you're clearly upset about your mom's reaction and how you think you've disappointed a bunch of people." As much as he hated to admit, Rachel was right.

"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore." Puck dropped his head, fixating his stare at his feet on the floor. He could feel himself slowly sobering up, making his thoughts much clearer than before.

"I do." Rachel stretched her hand across the table, reaching for his. She couldn't quite reach, so she settled for touching the tips of his fingers. "Our baby needs you right now and so do I. I can't do this alone, Noah."

He could feel her gently stroking the ends of his fingers. It was the first time either of them had acknowledged the baby as _theirs_ and he had to admit that made him just a little uneasy. Rachel saw his eyes tense up momentarily. They had both lost so much, yet had so much to look forward to now. As much as it still ached for Finn, her heart was starting to feel like a flower, slowly opening up and ready to bloom.

Puck could see the spark in her eye, a spark that he knew had been non-existent for weeks. Sure, he had dated Rachel ever so briefly in high school, but she had always had her heart set on Finn and he had accepted that long ago. He knew he could never _be_ Finn and he certainly wasn't going to try, but deep down he knew he had a responsibility. A responsibility to not only this baby, but to Rachel. Not to mention a promise he made to Finn. A freaking promise that he had obviously taken too far one drunken night. He wondered if he'd ever be able to forgive himself for that.

**Well my friends, what you all may call angst, I call progress. They're both opening up, even if Puck is doing it more slowly. They both are really still reeling from Finn's death and neither seem to know how to handle this new found situation they've been thrown into. And poor Sam is just beyond frustrated at having to see Puck continue to beat himself up. Thank you all for being so patient while Puck & Rachel go through these ups and downs. BTW…the song Puck sang was My Own Worst Enemy by Lit. If you haven't heard it, go check it out. One of my faves!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Gotta say, I'm so glad you guys liked the last chapter. So much still needs to happen and things are about to heat up! Enjoy…**

_She watches him watching her. It's an almost surreal feeling, like an out of body experience maybe. She's not sure if she even knows what that really feels like, but somehow she thinks this is exactly how it would be. She's standing in the corner of her room or at least that's where she assumes she is since she can see all around her bedroom. She can see herself lying on the bed, curled in a fetal position, sleeping peacefully._

_He is there next to her, his hand lightly touching the ends of her hair. He winds his fingers around her hair, tugging gently on it. Her sleeping body stirs ever so slightly, thrusting a leg out of the covers that are covering her body. He's still watching her, softly humming a song she can't quite hear. He begins speaking even though she can still clearly see herself sleeping on the bed._

"_I remember the first time you fell asleep at my house." He grins, fingers still intertwined with her hair. She wants to answer him, but her sleeping body won't budge. _

"_My mom told us to behave ourselves while she ran out to the store." He laughed softly. "I guess she forgot she was talking to two seventeen year olds, huh?" _

_She remembered all right. That was the second time she let him get to second base. She didn't dare let him get any further for fear that his mother would return. After that she had fallen asleep with her head in his lap while he watched a movie until his mother came home. She was surprised he even recalled any of that._

"_You know he's here, right?" He asked, releasing his hold on her hair. He turned on his back, placing both hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling. She wanted to ask who, but once again her body remained still even though she could hear every word he said._

"_He's here." He repeated these words several times before the humming began again. This time she recognized the sound of the nursery rhyme._

"_Rock-a-bye, baby, In the treetop, When the wind blows, The cradle will rock, When the bow breaks, The cradle will fall, And down will come baby, Cradle and all." She sang the words in her head along to the tune he was humming._

Rachel woke with a gasp. Another dream about Finn. And this one made entirely no sense to her. Her heart was racing, practically thudding in her ears as she tried to catch her breath. Who was _he _and where exactly was _here_? She wanted to scream or go back to sleep and try harder to make the words come out.

"Hey you." Rachel was startled to see Puck lying next to her, leaning on his upper arm, flipping randomly through a pregnancy book she had left open on the bed before she fell asleep.

"How did you get in?" Rachel seemed confused, sleep still etched across her face.

"You know you really should lock your doors." He said, closing the book and pushing it away from himself and winking at her. "You just never know who might come in."

"I must've fallen asleep while I was reading." She whispered, her eyes wandering around the room.

"Another pregnancy book? I thought you had read them all by now." Puck laughed. He expected a much different reaction from her; instead she seemed dazed and her breathing slightly labored. "Are you ok?"

"Yeah, I just had a bad dream." She shook her head slightly.

"Hungry?" He asked, jumping up and grabbing her hand.

Rachel nodded sheepishly, not quite sure why she couldn't shake the weird feeling she still had from that dream. Coupled with the fact that Puck had startled her by showing up next to her in bed while she was asleep, it was safe to say her anxiety level was a little high and she knew that couldn't be good for the baby. She would never admit either to Puck though. Things had been seemingly calm for both of them over the last week. Puck seemed to have taken her and Sam's words to heart, cutting back on his drinking and even attempting to be actively involved in Rachel's pregnancy. He even seemed excited about her ultrasound that was scheduled for the following week. She was finding it hard not to like the new and improved Puck. She followed him in the kitchen, watching him rummage through cabinets, followed by the refrigerator, an awkward expression on his face.

"I'm not really good with this whole kitchen thing." He shrugged, slouching his shoulders.

"It's ok, I can find something." She opened the fridge, pulling out the ingredients for a salad.

Puck opened what he thought was the cabinet that held the bowls, but came up with glasses instead. Rachel leaned in front of him, reaching for the adjacent cabinet. Her hair brushed across his face; he caught a quick whiff of her shampoo, making him almost dizzy. She stretched her arm out, struggling to reach a bowl on the top shelf. Leaning forward, he reached up to help her, closing the space between them. She stiffened slightly as his body made contact with hers. Puck brought the bowls down, setting them on the counter, yet continuing to stand behind her, so close they almost look connected. Bringing his left hand up, he used his fingers to swipe her hair away from her neck. Rachel felt her spine tingle as he pressed his lips gently against her neck, her head lulling to one side. Before long, her head had found its way to his chest, leaning back against him as he continued to kiss her neck and shoulder. She hadn't realized she had a death grip on the countertop to keep her knees from throwing her to the ground until he pulled her back even closer, both of their bodies now completely touching.

Puck ran his hand down her arm, tracing an imaginary line to her stomach. Gently he rubbed a circle over her tiny bump that was just barely showing. Spinning her around, his lips crashed against hers as her arms fell around his neck. Rachel's head was spinning as he was continued kissing her in all the right places. All thoughts of the dream pushed from her mind. She wondered if this is what all the pregnancy books meant by heightened libido during pregnancy. She ran her hand under his shirt, feeling his rippled pectoral muscles. This seemed to be just the cue Puck was waiting for. He lifted her up onto the counter top, shoving the bowls aside. Rachel didn't even bother to protest that she was on the counter, nor that he was pushing her skirt up. The same skirt she had painstakingly picked out to wear to work that morning since it was one of the few things that still fit was now hiked up to her waist, her panties pushed to the side, as Puck ran his finger over her folds. It felt so good that she almost wished he would never stop.

Puck trailed a line of kisses up her inner thigh, as he worked his fingers around her body. He could feel himself stiffen with each moan that escaped from Rachel's lips, especially when she reared her head back. He thought it was probably the fucking sexiest thing he had ever seen. He thought about climbing on top of her right on the counter, but pushed the idea from his mind quickly, worrying that he would hurt either her or the baby. But he knew he needed a release and he needed it soon; the enormous bulge in his jeans aching more with each passing second.

_Knock, knock, knock _

"What was that?" Rachel lifted her head up, struggling to regain her breathing.

"I didn't hear anything." Puck seemed oblivious, his hands continuing to roam her legs and thighs.

"Is someone at the door?" Her eyes darted towards the front door.

"Ah, who's give a shit. If it's important, they'll come back later." He wasn't going to let a knock at the door ruin this moment. Their first real sexual moment since that drunken night, the one so full of regrets, yet held so many promises now.

"Noah!" Rachel whispered, pushing him away. "It might be Tina or wait, what if it's Carole? She probably saw your truck here"

Puck finally gave up. He leaned back against the kitchen sink, wiping the inside of his hand across his face. Rachel slid down from the counter, quickly adjusting her skirt then smoothed her hair.

"So you don't want her to know I'm here?" Puck growled. "You haven't told her yet, have you?"

"No." Rachel said sheepishly. "I-I've been waiting for just the right time."

"When is that going to be? Cause I'm pretty sure it won't be long before you won't _have_ to tell her, she'll be able to see for herself."

"I'll tell her soon." Rachel promised, patting him on the arm and hurrying to answer the front door. She smoothed her hair once more before throwing open the door, only to find Kurt standing on the other side. Kurt smiled at Rachel, then threw a cautionary glance down the hall when he realized Puck was in the kitchen looking slightly disheveled, arms crossed, leaning against the sink with a scowl on his face.

**Well the dreams are getting weirder, but things are looking promising for Puck & Rachel. However…Oh Kurt, why'd ya have to ruin that moment? Nice time to pay a visit all the way from Columbus, huh? I'd say he may be a little suspicious now… **


	12. Chapter 12

**I'm so sorry for the delay in giving you guys a new chapter…my life has been crazy lately. I still don't think I can properly thank you all for the support in writing this. Enjoy…**

The smell of the baked chicken permeated Rachel's nose. Although she was starving, her stomach was churning, making her afraid to even take a bite. She watched Kurt place a small scoop of pasta salad on his plate. She could see him watching her from the corner of his eyes as he set his plate down in front of him, unfolding a napkin on his lap. Kurt had been distant and almost standoffish over the last week, ever since he walked in on her and Puck.

Not that he had witnessed anything, other than Puck leaning against the sink and Rachel appearing more fidgety than usual, avoiding eye contact with Kurt at all cost. Kurt had only stayed for a few minutes, but Rachel was sure he had seen enough. She was positive the guilt was pouring off of her like sweat. And Puck…he just had that look about him that screamed something sexual had just taken place. Rachel had wanted to just slap the scowl off of Puck's face and shoo Kurt out the front door, but instead she simply bumbled through a conversation with Kurt, politely nodding and smiling.

And now here she was having dinner with Kurt, Blaine and Carole. Carole had called to invite her once she found out Kurt and Blaine would be in town for the weekend. Rachel had wanted nothing more than to decline, but she knew she needed to come clean with all of them and it was now or never.

"So Rachel, how's business at the bakery?" Rachel could tell Carole was making conversation to fill the silence that had taken over the dining room. Kurt raised an eyebrow, as if he were anxiously anticipating her answer.

"Good, it's real good." Rachel took a sip of water, trying to get rid of the small lump that seemed to be growing in her throat. Blaine reached under the table, swatting at Kurt's leg, hoping to erase the tiny smirk that had spread across Kurt's lips.

"Well that's good." Carole paused, as if she was thinking of something else to say. "Oh Kurt, tell Rachel about the theater show you're going to be in back up in Columbus."

"It's not a big part." Kurt cast his eyes downward. "I'll be playing a vendor in _Inherit the Wind_."

"Oh that's exciting Kurt." Rachel smiled at her brother-in-law.

"I auditioned for the role of Bertrum Cates, but they said I wasn't tall enough." Blaine reached up, patting Kurt's hand gently.

"Well no matter, I'll be sure and come up to catch one of your performances." Rachel nodded her head. She was so happy for Kurt, but the small talk was killing her. She hoped no one had noticed that she had barely eaten anything. Her nerves were getting the best of her. She smoothed the bottom of her dress, before slowly reaching down in her purse, fishing out a small flat box. Setting it in her lap, her fingers played with the ribbon on the outside while Blaine updated Carole on some charity work he had recently done. She watched everyone converse, her heart beating louder and louder with each second. Rachel had tuned out most of what they were saying, concentrating instead on her breathing. Blaine was actually the first to notice she had checked out of their conversation.

"Rachel, is everything ok?" He asked, looking to Kurt, then Carole and finally back to Rachel. Rachel's grip on the box tightened.

"Um, well…" She stammered, not quite sure what to say. "No, um yes, well.."

"Honey, what is it?" The worried look on Carole's face was prevalent.

"I have something for you." Rachel thrust the box across the table towards Carole. Carole picked the silver wrapped box, looking it over before glancing back to Rachel.

"Oh you didn't have to bring me anything." Carole chatted while she made several attempts at breaking the ribbon. Rachel shut her eyes, feeling a slight twinge in her belly, wishing Carole would hurry up and open the box. Finally Rachel opened her eyes, hearing the tissue paper crumple.

"Oh my!" She squealed. "Does this mean what I think it means?" Rachel nodded her head sheepishly, seeing Kurt crane his neck to try and get a peek of what was in the box. Carole tossed the box on the table, jumping up and running over to yank Rachel from her chair. She pulled her into a hug, squealing like a little girl. Rachel grinned, the tears flowing from her eyes as her mother-in-law rocked her back and forth in a hug. She finally let go, spinning Rachel around to face Kurt and Blaine, both with confused looks planted across their faces.

"I'm going to be a grandma!" Carole squealed again, jumping up and down.

"Wh-what?" Kurt sputtered. Carole reached over for the box, thrusting it in Kurt's hand. Kurt looked down to see a silver picture frame, engraved with the word "Grandma" playfully across the top. A black grainy picture was tucked away inside the frame, which Kurt could only deduce was a sonogram picture.

"When are you due?" Carole asked, wrapping her arm around Rachel's waist.

"In April, I'm about eleven weeks." Rachel could practically see Kurt doing the math in his head.

"Oh Rachel." Carole was now crying. "This is God's way of leaving a little piece of Finn with us."

Rachel nodded in agreement, wiping her own tears. She wondered when anything would every get easier. The news would obviously heal Carole's heart, but in turn it broke Puck's. It was now his turn to ignore her phone calls and avoid her. She could still see the wounded look on his face when the ultrasound technician told them both she was farther along than expected. Rachel knew Puck had never been good with numbers, but by the look on his face, he totally understood what the technician was saying…there was no way this baby could be his. Rachel tried to keep her genuine shock hidden, falling into Puck's chest and wrapping her arms around his waist once the technician left them alone. He didn't speak, only awkwardly running a hand up and down her back. This was not the comfort Rachel had been expecting, though looking back she now realized that was truly selfish of her. They had ridden home in silence, Puck dropping her off and declining her invitation inside. She wanted them to talk about what had just happened; she needed to talk about it with him. Instead, he had driven away without so much as a goodbye.

And now she stood, surrounded by Finn's family, her heart feeling like it was torn in two. _Isn't this what you wanted Rachel?_ She kept asking herself that over and over. When Finn first died, she wanted nothing more than to hold onto his memory, but somehow the painful weeks had turned into less painful months. Rachel had finally come to terms with the fact that this baby had indeed filled the void left by Finn's death and so had Puck. Yet here she was again; her head and her heart in two separate places. Her head telling her to let Puck walk away, it's not his baby and no longer his responsibility. With Finn's family is where she belonged. But her heart ached for Puck, a feeling she thought she'd never have for him. A feeling she was finding herself more than happy to have.

**Ok so first off, I do love Kurt, so please forgive him (and me) for the way he is being portrayed. You have to remember that Finn is his brother, plus he knows something is up with Rachel & Puck and he's not too happy about it. For those of you upset that this isn't Puck's baby…don't despair & that's all I will give away ;)**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you so kindly for the reviews and the story alerts, you have no idea how much I appreciate that. And I'm sorry for anyone I may have disappointed or confused, but the baby truly is Finn's. As you'll be able to tell in this chapter, I couldn't drag the angst out much longer. Enjoy…**

"This wasn't supposed to happen." Rachel sobbed, wiping her nose with a tissue. She curled her feet up under her, leaning forward just slightly to adjust a flower in the vase sitting in front of her.

"A baby needs two parents." She sniffed, her angry words coming out in hiccups as she tried to hold back the tears. "Two parents, Finn."

Her own yelling actually startled her. She wasn't exactly sure why she was yelling at a headstone or who she was really even angry at. Finn for dying or maybe Puck for ignoring her for the past two weeks, probably even herself for feeling so alone.

"Losing you was hard enough, but I don't know if I can raise a baby by myself." She wiped her nose again.

"Who said you have to?" Rachel jerked her head around to see Puck standing several feet behind her, hands tucked deeply in the pocket of his jeans.

"Wha- what are you doing here?" She turned back around.

"Hummel told me I might find you here." Puck scuffed his feet on the ground as he slowly made his way over to stand next to her. He stared at Finn's headstone, realizing this was the first time he had visited his best friend's grave since his death.

"You talked to Kurt?" Rachel asked.

"I went by Finn's mom's house just like she asked." Puck gave her a quick grin. "She wasn't home, but Kurt was down."

"And?" Rachel pushed for more information.

"We had a nice heart to heart, I guess you could say." Puck finally sat down next to her, his eyes fixed on the words "Loving son, loving husband" on Finn's headstone.

"I'm sure Kurt had quite a lot to say." Rachel said, softly.

"Yeah he did, but it wasn't what I was expecting." Puck raised an eyebrow. "He's really worried about you and how you've handled Finn's death."

"Really?"

"He misses his brother a lot." Puck sighed.

"I know he does." She whispered, her eyes trailing to her lap.

"So do I." Puck looked at Rachel, and then cut his eyes quickly away. "I feel like everything has been totally fucked up since Finn has been gone." He waited for her to scold him for his language, but Rachel remained silent.

"I meant what I said." Puck finally said, feeling Rachel's eyes on him as he spoke. "You don't have to do this alone."

"I don't want people feeling sorry for me." She said, flatly. Puck turned his head to see a single tear run down her face.

"I don't feel sorry for you Rachel." Puck watched her slowly lower her head once again. "And you're right, this wasn't supposed to happen. _None_ of this was supposed to happen. I was supposed to just look out for you like I promised Finn, not try and fall in love with you."

"Di-did you just say you love me?" Rachel jerked her head up to meet Puck's gaze. His face sagged, almost as if he were purely exhausted.

"I mean I _could_ love you." Puck felt like he was tripping over his own words. "Look, I know I'm not Finn and I would never try and replace him. I just think you and the baby need someone to look out for you"

Rachel's heart sank as soon as he mentioned the baby. The baby she had been so sure was Puck's after that one night together, a night she had been so ashamed of at first. The whole reason she was sitting in front of Finn's grave, crying uncontrollably just a few minutes earlier, admitting to her dead husband that he indeed was the father, all while feeling so alone. Rachel reached for Puck's hand, squeezing it tight inside her own.

"I don't want you to be Finn, Noah." Rachel took a deep breath. "He will always hold a special place in my heart, but I know my heart also needs to heal and move on. I want to do that and I know it's not going to be easy."

The sky overhead rumbled in the distance. Rachel looked up to see a few dark clouds moving in, the smell of rain in the air.

"I shouldn't have walked away like that the other day." Puck shook his head.

"You were upset, it's understandable." She caressed his hand slowly in hers.

"Yeah, but I was a jerk. I took the easy way out and went to the bar to drink my problems away." Rachel bristled at this revelation. She had thought he had finally given up drinking for good.

"It didn't work." He admitted. "So, I called my mom and broke the news to her that she wasn't going to be a grandma after all. She tried to talk some sense into me. I was ready to pack it up and leave Lima for good."

"What made you change your mind?" Rachel asked.

"I had a dream about Finn last night." Puck said softly. "I don't remember most of it, just that he kept running after me and telling me that you need me. He kept saying it over and over and over. I couldn't get it out of my head. So then I went to see his mom today and had that talk with Kurt. Funny thing was, Kurt pretty much said the same thing. Well, he didn't say _me_, but he said he thought maybe you needed someone in your life to help get you out of this funk and to be there for the baby."

"Kurt said that?" She questioned, slightly taken back that her brother in law seemed so concerned, especially enough to share his feelings with Puck.

"Yeah." Puck noticed Rachel hadn't let go of his hand.

"And you think that someone should be you?" Rachel smirked briefly, hoping maybe he hadn't noticed.

"Well I sure as hell ain't here to offer up Sam." He laughed. Rachel couldn't help but giggle softly. She felt like she was in school all over again on a first date. "Look Rachel, I'm a dude and you know I'm not really great with putting my feelings into words. I know I've screwed up in the past, but starting now I want to be there for you and the baby. I think Finn would be ok with that."

"That's very noble of you Noah." A raindrop fell on Rachel's arm, two more dotting her head. Before she knew it, a light shower was falling on them, soaking her hair and through her shirt. Puck leaned his head forward, touching his forehead to hers, her damp hair sticking to the side of his face. Neither made a move, their bodies simply frozen in place, allowing the rain to fall on them. Rachel felt like the rain might just be washing all her insecurities away. For the first time in months, she didn't feel so alone.

**Ok, so this was a chatty chapter & please don't bash me because they had this conversation at Finn's grave…I think that was an important part of it. As easy as it would be to just throw these two together & let them live happily ever after, that's just not reality to me. Rachel is still very torn between her loyalty to Finn, he was after all her first love, and her new-found feelings for Puck. This helps explains why she seems to run hot & cold between Puck and Finn & his family. She needs to try and find that balance of having both of those worlds in her life. Thanks for reading!**


	14. Chapter 14

**You guys are awesome! The reviews and story alerts just warm my heart. I can't thank you enough for continuing to read this story. A little time has elapsed since the last chapter. Enjoy…**

"So how are things with you and Rachel?" Sam asked, swiping a handful of fries from his plate and stuffing them in his mouth. Puck nodded while taking a sip of his iced tea.

"I would say good." Puck readjusted the bun his burger was on before bringing it to his mouth for a bite. He and Sam were having a quick dinner at The Landing Strip after work since it was Thursday and Rachel was at the theater helping with costume fittings for an upcoming show.

"How's Mrs. Hummel feel about you being around?" Sam asked.

"Well, that's kind of a touchy subject." Puck swallowed a couple of fries. "She came over the other day while I was over."

Sam raised an eyebrow, a smirk on his face. "Oh really?"

"Ok you douche, we were watching some chick program on TLC. Rachel was crying her eyeballs out over people bringing their babies home and Carole stopped by." Puck said sternly, causing Sam to chuckle. "She didn't say anything about me being there, but let's just say her expression pretty much said it all."

"I guess it's safe to say she really does hate you now." Sam replied.

"Rachel says she just needs time to adjust. It's been three months and I'd say that woman has done all the adjusting she's gonna do." Puck sighed, pushing his now empty plate away from him.

"Well this is her grandchild and Finn…" Sam began, but Puck cut him off quickly.

"I get it, I really do. I've done everything I can not to step on her toes." Puck interjected, shaking his head in frustration. "I feel like I'm walking on eggshells all the time. I'm trying to move forward with Rachel, but she wants to take things slow. I don't want to offend Carole or Burt or Kurt for that matter, so I end up taking a back seat most of the time, especially when it comes to the baby."

"Have you tried talking to Rachel about this?" Sam asked.

"Nah. She seems content with the way things are going. I'm not even sure why the hell I'm telling _you_ all this?"

"All that crap you've been watching on TLC must be rotting your brain." Sam laughed heartily, raising his hand to signal the waitress for their checks.

Puck decided to stop by Rachel's on the way home from the bar. Even though she had told him she would be late, he drove by on the off chance she made it home earlier than planned. Her car was absent from the driveway, Finn's blue truck still parked in front of the garage as it had sat for the last six months. Burt had offered to buy it from Rachel, but she had politely declined, citing a possible need for hauling items to the dump. Never mind the fact that she hadn't driven it anywhere, the truck was still parked where Finn had last left it so many months earlier. Puck pulled his truck in the driveway, parking next to Finn's. He rooted around on his key chain for the spare key to Rachel's house as he made his way to the front door. He didn't usually go into the house alone, but he figured Rachel wouldn't mind if he waited for her.

"Hello?" Puck called out as he pushed the front door open. He knew it was silly, Rachel obviously wasn't home, but it didn't stop him from announcing his presence. A small light was burning from the kitchen range. His kicked his boots off right next to the front door, padding slowly to the master bedroom. Puck hoped Rachel was in a good mood when she got home, maybe she'd even suggest he stay the night as she had done on more than several occasions over the last three months.

He sat on the edge of the bed, picking up a small yellow baby blanket that was neatly folded at the end of the bed. The blanket was worn and slightly faded from years of use it seemed. Underneath was a small notebook. Rachel was so organized; he knew she had a list of baby items already purchased as well as one of items that needed to be purchased. Puck opened the notebook, expecting to see a list, but instead found what appeared to be journal entries. He flipped through quickly, noting the dates spanned over the last several weeks. Without thinking, he turned to the last page that contained writing. It was dated the previous day. He immediately recognized Rachel's loopy handwriting. His eyes moved over the page as the words echoed in his head.

"_Your mom brought a few things over today for the baby, including one of your old baby blankets. The yellow is faded, so it was obviously one of your favorites. It's so surreal to know that our baby will be wrapped in a blanket you were once wrapped in. That puts a smile on my face."_

Puck flipped back through some of the pages, spotting a page that was written in purple ink.

"_I keep trying to put myself in your shoes…how would I feel if it were you that was moving on? Honestly, I am really struggling with that. I know I would want you to be happy. I know deep down that you want me to be happy too. Noah has really helped to fill that gaping hole left in me by your death. It wasn't even just my heart, Finn; the hole seemed to take up my whole body. I couldn't seem to have a single thought without you being in it. I can't even describe how empty I was. Noah has made me see that it's ok to miss you; it doesn't make me love you any less. In fact he accepts that you will always be a part of me, a part of me that I will never let go. The hole is closing Finn. My heart is opening up to let someone else in and I wanted you to be the first to know."_

"What are you doing Noah?" Rachel dropped her purse and bag in the bedroom doorway, her gaze focused on the book in Puck's hand. _Shit_, he thought, scrambling to come up with an explanation.

"Why are you going through my personal things?" She asked, frantic for an answer.

"I…uh, um, found this on the bed and thought it was your baby lists." Puck could feel his palms sweating. Rachel marched over, snatching the journal from his hand. "I didn't read it all."

"Just most of it?" Rachel's cynical reply startled him for a moment.

"Will you calm down for a second?" Puck pleaded. "I wasn't snooping like you think. I only read a couple of pages."

"Anything more than one page is considered snooping." Rachel huffed, crossing her arms over her bulging stomach.

"Why are you writing journal entries to Finn?" She pretended to ignore him, turning her attention to a small onesie for the baby that was lying on her dresser. She picked it up, folding it ever so slowly. Puck stood up, watching her fold the same onesie over and over until she was practically balling it up between her fingers instead.

"I want to know why your journal entries are written to Finn?" Puck said sternly. Rachel cast her eyes to the floor, turning around to face Puck. She refused to meet his grim stare.

"My therapist suggested it." She said quietly.

"Your therapist?" The shock in Puck's voice was clear.

"Yes, the therapist I have been seeing for the last couple of months." Rachel's shaky voice seemed to squeak when she spoke.

"Wow." Puck shook his head slowly. "What else don't I know about?"

**Uh oh! Not only does Puck have a little competition with Finn's family, but now there's more lack of communicating. And as usual, Rachel is trying to make everyone happy. Thanks for reading!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Thank you to my faithful readers, whether you review or not, I still appreciate you taking the time to read this fic. And I'm sorry for not updating this more frequently, but life is super busy for me right now & sometimes my muse just doesn't agree with me! Enjoy…**

"That's it, I promise." Rachel lowered her voice to almost a whisper. She placed the onsie gently back on the dresser, balled up just as it had been in her hand.

"Why couldn't you just tell me you've been seeing a therapist?" Puck finally asked. He was standing directly in front of her, neither making a move to put more space between the other.

"It wasn't that simple." Her voice wavered. "I was trying to let go and I felt I couldn't. It was like Finn's family thought I was forgetting about him by moving on. I had so many conflicting thoughts and feelings."

"Well that's pretty damn selfish of Carole, since she clearly moved on after _her_ husband died." Puck spat. He was instantly sorry he said that as soon as he saw Rachel's expression turn sour.

"Noah, you're not being fair." She scolded, but Puck knew all of his pent up emotions were about to come tumbling out.

"Fair? You want to talk about being fair? Let's see, I haven't gone to your last two doctor's appointments because Finn's mom went along. When you went to pick out the stuff for the crib, Kurt happened to be in town that weekend, so once again I got the boot. Hell, the Hummel's probably see you more than I do."

"Well his mom wanted to go and that was the only weekend Kurt was available for the next couple of weeks because of his play." Rachel sputtered. For a brief second, she saw a flash in his eyes. She wondered if it was anger or just plain hurt.

"Stop making excuses Rachel. I feel like our relationship will never move forward as long as we're both on different pages." Puck shook his head as he walked away, stopping long enough to pick up his boots by the front door. Rachel flinched as the door shut abruptly behind him. She crumpled on the bed, picking up the yellow baby blanket and rubbing it slowly against her face. Maybe Puck was right, she thought, maybe she _was_ stalling their relationship…comfortable with the known, afraid of the unknown.

Rachel wasn't quite sure how long she had been lying on her bed, since it was still dark out; a sharp shooting pain jolting her awake. Her breathing was heavy as she leaned over, fumbling with the lamp on the night stand. She glanced around the room; her head still in a deep fog from sleep. She groped aimlessly for her cell phone as the pain worsened. It wasn't on the night stand she realized, nor next to her on the bed. She remembered she had left her purse in the doorway earlier. Standing up ever so slowly, hoping to ease the light headedness she was experiencing, Rachel gently pressed her fingertips onto the mattress and tried to make her way to her purse. The pain was not subsiding and by the time she had taken the few steps to the doorway, she could feel something running down her leg. She fumbled through her purse on her hands and knees until she finally found her phone, immediately dialing Puck's number without hesitation. When he hadn't answered on the third ring, she glanced down to see a small pool of blood had formed under her. That was the last thing she remembered as the phone slid from her grasp, her body slipping to the floor.

Puck paced the floor, one finger in his mouth, chewing nervously on a hangnail. He glanced over to see Carole whispering into her cell phone, pretty confident she was speaking to Kurt. He seriously thought about grabbing the next nurse who walked by and shaking her, demanding to know what was going on with Rachel. The ambulance had brought her to the hospital over an hour ago and all he was told was that someone would update them shortly. It also didn't help that he was not next of kin, so Carole had been the one to sign the consent forms.

He blamed himself for Rachel being there. He just wanted to hold her and tell her he was sorry for running out earlier. If only he had stayed, then he wouldn't have missed her call earlier. He wouldn't have called her back several times and then come over worried about why he couldn't get in touch with her. And he certainly wouldn't have found her sprawled out on the bedroom floor like he did. No matter how much he tried, Puck couldn't get the image of the blood trickling down her legs out of his mind. He begged the EMT's to tell him that she was going to be okay and that the baby was fine, but they only responded by telling him to meet Rachel's lifeless body at the hospital.

"Can you _please_ tell me what's going on with Rachel Hudson?" Puck was grabbing a nurse by her arm, preventing her from taking another step.

"You'll have to wait until the doctor is finished examining her." The nurse was clearly irritated, not even bothering to look up from the chart in her hands. She gently shoved Puck's hand away and disappeared through the double doors that led to the emergency room. Puck found the nearest empty seat, sliding into it quickly, running his hands over his face.

"She's going to be okay." Puck looked up to see Carole standing in front of him. She quietly slid into the seat next to him. "Dr. Burke is a great doctor."

"I just wish they would tell us something." Puck struggled to contain his emotions. He realized the last time he was this upset was after Finn's accident.

"Rachel's one of the strongest people I know, she's not going to let anything happen to that baby." Carole assured him.

"I know." Puck nodded in agreement, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket to check the time. The next few minutes crept by as Puck watched other patients come and go, still no word from Rachel's doctor.

"I know this has to be uncomfortable for you." Carole finally said. Puck wondered if she was just trying to break the silence as they waited. "I can see how much you care for Rachel…and my grandchild for that matter."

"Yes I do." He said, matter-of-factly.

"And I know how much you cared about Finn." Puck shifted in his seat, wondering where this conversation was really going. "Thank you for bringing Rachel out of that dark hole, that same hole I was in so many years ago. It is so hard to lose the person you love with all your heart and soul, but you know, the funny thing is, you find out your heart heals a lot quicker when you allow it to."

Carole leaned just a little closer, placing her hand on Puck's arm, a slight smile on her lips.

"Take care of her…and my grandbaby, please." Puck felt her squeeze his arm in reassurance just as he spotted Dr. Burke pushing the emergency room doors open, small spots of blood caked on his gown. Puck stood up quickly, wiping his sweaty palms on his jeans, his stomach churning. Dr. Burke carefully removed his cloth cap as he made his way over to Carole and Puck.

"How is she? How's the baby?" Puck asked, his voice altering just slightly from nerves.

**Gah, sorry to leave you hanging like that! But who isn't happy to see the air sort of cleared with Carole & Puck? Reviews are appreciated, but your faithfulness even more.**


	16. Chapter 16

**I tried to crank out a chapter as fast as I could to ease your minds, but alas life got in the way. I'm so sorry! Thank you for all the alerts & reviews. Enjoy…**

Rachel eased herself onto the couch, relieved to finally be home from the hospital. She rubbed her rounded belly several times, silently thankful for the baby that was still inside. She was enjoying the brief period of solitude as Puck emptied the trunk of her car, bringing in her belongings from her short hospital stay. She felt almost claustrophobic from the amount of attention she had been showered with over the last few days. Puck had barely refused to leave her side, just long enough to go to work. When he wasn't there, either Carole or Tina was doting on her or her fathers ringing her phone off the hook.

Puck kicked the door shut, his hands ladled with a small plant and two bags. He sat the items down at the bottom of the stairs and eyeballed Rachel trying to get comfy on the couch. He almost laughed out loud at the sight of her trying to gently yet firmly get herself situated. He walked over to her, reaching for the blanket draped across the back of the couch. Laying it over her waist and legs, he knelt down beside her.

"You ok?" He asked.

"I'm fine, really." She sighed rather loudly. "The doctor said to take it easy and that it really wasn't as much blood as it seemed."

"I know, but she did put you on bed rest, so I'd say that's pretty serious."

"I'm fine. The baby's fine. You can stop worrying now." She reached for his hand, curling her fingers around his.

"I'm just sorry about everything that happened before that." Puck dropped his head, the guilt of what had happened seeping back into his thoughts.

"It wasn't your fault Noah." She squeezed his hand lightly. Puck sighed loudly, casting his eyes around the room. Not much had changed in that house since Finn died. His favorite recliner was still in the living room, the same chair he vividly remembered Rachel trying to get Finn to part with before they moved in. Finn had laughed, claiming he loved that chair almost as much as he loved her. Photos of Finn and Rachel were scattered throughout the house. Rachel still wore Finn's wedding band around her neck. The only thing that seemed to be missing was Finn and his clothes.

Puck swallowed the large lump that seemed to have formed in his throat, unsure if the words he were about to say were going to even come out. He could hear Rachel talking, but his mind was elsewhere, desperately trying to find the right words to say.

"I think you should move in with me." He silently scolded himself for cutting her off mid-sentence. Rachel was quiet, blinking rapidly, still trying to process what he had said.

"Wh-what?" Her eyes were wide.

"Look, you're on bed rest with that placenta stuff…" Puck scrunched his face up as he spoke.

"Placenta previa." Rachel corrected him.

"Yeah that." He nodded. "And well, uh, I just think maybe it would be better if you just move in to my place. The baby will be here before you know it, so I uh, think it makes sense."

Puck watched her slowly let out a soft breath, closing her eyes for a brief second. She opened them back up, releasing her grip on his hand.

"Wow, um I don't know what to say." Rachel smiled sweetly.

"I know my place is a little small, but we can make it work. I'll even clean out the spare bedroom, move my guitars somewhere else." He offered.

"I appreciate the offer Noah, I really do, but I just can't leave this house." Rachel watched his face fall as she spoke. "I know there's still more work to do, but there's a lot of good memories here. I don't think I can just walk away."

"That's not the reaction I was hoping for." Puck stood up, Rachel reaching her arm out to grab his hand. He ignored her attempt and walked to the front door, stopping briefly to look back at her. "I've got to go run a few errands, I'll be back later to check on you. Call my cell if you need anything." Rachel felt her heart sink a bit as the door shut behind him. She reached behind her, blindly grasping for the cordless phone. Dialing quickly, she waited patiently for an answer.

"Aren't you supposed to be resting?" Kurt had never been one to offer salutations on the phone and today was no exception.

"I am on the couch resting, thank you very much."

"Well do us all a favor and please no more dramatics." Kurt laughed. "Obviously that niece or nephew of mine doesn't know what kind of family they're getting into. Trying to outdo Uncle Kurt, now that's rich."

Kurt quickly noticed that Rachel offered no reply. She was silent on the other end of the phone.

"Hey, I was just kidding." He laughed nervously. "Everything ok?"

"Noah just asked me to move in with him." Rachel blurted, not really sure why she even chose to call Kurt and announce that. She had never dared tread on that delicate ground with Kurt before. True, she and Kurt were best friends, but he was also Finn's brother. Puck had assured her Kurt had given them his blessing in the best way Kurt knew how, but Rachel had always wanted to hear that from Kurt himself and so far she hadn't.

"You're kidding?" Kurt asked. Rachel was sure she heard him choke back a bit of laughter.

"No." She whispered.

"Well, what did you tell him?" Kurt prodded her for an answer.

"I turned him down." Rachel could feel the tears welling up in her eyes. She was so sure her response to Puck had been the right one, yet saying the words out loud to Kurt made them feel all wrong.

"Why did you turn him down?"

"I, um, I told him I wasn't ready to leave this house just yet." Rachel swallowed thickly. She could hear Kurt let out an exaggerated sigh.

"Is that the real reason?" Suddenly Rachel felt like Kurt was interrogating her. "Is that really what you want Rachel?"

"I-I don't know." She stammered. "I thought it was."

"I'm going to tell you just like I told Puck." Kurt took a deep breath. "All of our lives have been in so much turmoil since Finn's accident. You spent months cocooning yourself up, hiding from the world, wallowing in your grief. But slowly you've pulled yourself out of that shell and as much as I didn't want to admit it, I think Puck is to thank for that."

"I know you have to let Finn go eventually." Kurt added. She smiled, finally hearing the words she had been waiting for from Kurt.

"That doesn't mean I don't love him or will ever stop loving him." Rachel spoke softly.

"I know." Kurt said matter of factly.

"This baby will be a constant reminder of that love. Noah understands and he accepts that. Finn will always be a part of our lives, but the time has come for our lives to move forward." She almost whispered the last part.

"Then you don't need me to tell you what you should do." Kurt said. "I'll call you this weekend."

Rachel clicked the phone off, laying it haphazardly on the end table. She pushed herself up, fumbling with the blanket on her legs. She scanned her eyes around the room, searching for where Puck had put her things earlier. She knew what she had to do.

**I still can't thank you all enough for reading this fic. It warms my heart to know that so many people are invested in this, as am I. Happy Thanksgiving to all!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you to all my faithful readers. I'm terribly sorry for the delayed chapter, but the holidays just slowed me down and I've had terrible writers block. I've rewritten this chapter more times than I care to count; I hope I could still do it justice. Sadly I don't own Glee or the characters. Enjoy…**

Rachel turned the handle, silently thankfully that the door was unlocked. His truck was in the driveway, so she knew he was here, despite the fact that he hadn't answered her insistent knocking. She was pretty sure he was upset about what happened earlier, probably lying back on the couch playing a video game, ignoring her presence at the door. She had contemplated calling first, but before she could even talk herself out of _that_, her car keys were all ready in the ignition and she was backing out of her own driveway.

The living room was dark, no television or video games blaring. The only noise she heard was the faint sound of a piano. Cocking her head, Rachel listened for a few seconds before realizing the sound was coming from one of the house's two bedrooms. It didn't take long for her to follow the noise and see the light streaming from the cracked door to know the sound was coming from the spare bedroom. Peeking in, she could see Puck perched in a chair in front of an electric keyboard. She knew Puck stored his collections of guitars in there, but she never realized he even owned a piano, let alone could play. His back was to her as he continued to run his fingers along the black and white keys, playing a melody Rachel had never heard before. It startled her just a bit when he began to sing along to the music.

_Step one you say we need to talk_

_He walks you say sit down it's just a talk_

_He smiles politely back at you_

_You stare politely right on through_

_Some sort of window to your right_

_As he goes left and you stay right_

_Between the lines of fear and blame_

_You begin to wonder why you came_

Rachel leaned against the doorframe, rubbing her belly gently, seemingly lost in the music.

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would have stayed up with you all night_

_Had I known how to save a life_

_Let him know that you know best_

_Cause after all you do know best_

_Try to slip past his defense_

_Without granting innocence_

_Lay down a list of what is wrong_

_The things you've told him all along_

_And pray to God he hears you_

_And pray to God he hears you_

Rachel closed her eyes. Thoughts flashing through her mind as Puck sang. The words seemed to float through her.

_As he begins to raise his voice_

_You lower yours and grant him one last choice_

_Drive until you lose the road_

_Or break with the ones you've followed_

_He will do one of two things_

_He will admit to everything_

_Or he'll say he's just not the same_

_And you'll begin to wonder why you came_

_Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend_

_Somewhere along in the bitterness_

_And I would've stayed up all-_

"Noah." Rachel whispered from behind him, placing her hand gently on his shoulder. He jumped slightly at her touch.

"How long have you been here?" He asked, leaning forward to turn off the keyboard.

"Long enough to hear you sing. That was beautiful." She said, breathlessly, wishing he would turn around and face her.

"I wrote it a few weeks ago." Puck sighed, running his hand along the edge of the keyboard.

"You did?" Rachel asked, her eyes wide in shock.

"I wrote it for you." Puck whispered. He was positive he heard her suck in a deep breath. "We've been through so much over the last several months. It just seemed fitting I guess."

Rachel watched him gather up an acoustic guitar off the floor and put it back in its case. He busily fiddled with pieces of paper on the floor, gathering them in his hands one by one. She could tell he was trying to keep himself busy, finding anything to occupy himself so he didn't have to face her.

"What if you move in with me?" Rachel blurted out. It wasn't how she had planned this in her mind earlier; however it seemed to warrant Puck's attention. He turned to her slowly, his eyes meeting hers.

"I didn't think you wanted us living together." Puck raised an eyebrow, his gaze still firmly on her.

"That's not what I said." She corrected. "I'm just not ready to leave that house right now."

"I know, you have a lot invested in that house and I don't just mean money." Puck nodded his head. "I wasn't asking you to give up Finn's memory; I just thought it made sense for us to take the next step."

"I know it is and I agr…" Before Rachel could finish her sentence, Puck placed his forefinger against her lips.

"I _want_ to take that next step with you Rachel. I think we've danced around this for way too long." He maneuvered his body closer to hers, his finger still against her lips. "I'm not afraid of what people think anymore. I fucking cared about Finn and I fucking care about you and this baby."

"If it wasn't for the crass language Noah, I'd think that was almost sweet." Rachel smiled, despite his finger still hovering in her face. He dropped his hand, taking one of hers in his.

"I _am_ being sweet." Puck smirked, running his fingers over hers. "I'll plant the fucking garden I know you want. I'll fix the damn steps out back, the ones I never got around to helping Finn fix. I'll change the oil in your car. I'll help you breathe correctly when it's time for the baby to come. I'll put together all the annoying baby toys everyone will give him or her. I'll do it all Rachel."

"All?" She laughed quietly at the mental image of him on his hands and knees weeding a garden.

"All of it." Puck curled his lip into a smile. "Even changing diapers."

"Come on, it's getting late." Rachel tugged on his shirt as she turned towards the bedroom door.

"Where are we going?" He asked.

"Home." She released her grip on his shirt as she left the bedroom. Puck waited until she reached the front door before turning off the bedroom light. "So all of it, huh?"

"Well except for shopping with Hummel. I draw the line at that." He laughed as Rachel playfully punched him in the arm.

**Be prepared…I feel like the baby is coming ;-)**


	18. Chapter 18

**I really wish my muse would cooperate and crank out chapters faster, but alas it does not. I apologize. I still hope you will enjoy the latest installment of this story, which will be the next to the last chapter. This entire story was often heartbreaking to write, but in the end I think it turned out well. **

Rachel held her breath, a pathetic attempt at holding off any more contractions she knew, but she couldn't have this baby without Puck. Kurt swore he had called him hours ago, leaving a frantic message on Puck's voicemail because he didn't pick up. She knew he and Sam were working on a job, but it was just one town over, no more than thirty minutes away she was guessing. Yet two hours and eight centimeters later, Puck was no were to be found. Curse this baby for coming two weeks early.

Carole wiped a cool, wet washcloth across Rachel's forehead as she gripped the side rails of the bed, panting through yet another contraction.

"You're doing great, Rachel." Carole said, trying to maintain a serene demeanor in hopes of calming Rachel down, however she could tell it wasn't working.

"I can't do this." Rachel cried. "I don't wanna do this."

"A little late for that, diva." Kurt curled his lip up before bringing his coffee cup up to his mouth and taking a long sip. Rachel shrieked in pain. Kurt took that as a signal to vacate the room, he wasn't sure if he could handle any more of her screams or attitude. Carole was right; she was in labor or as Kurt like to think of it, squeezing a giraffe out of a pinhole. He hoped for Rachel's sake this baby was tiny like her. One of the nurses bumped into him on his way out of the room, plastic gloves in hand. Boy was he ever glad he left the room when he did.

"Ok Mrs. Hudson, let's get you checked and see how things are progressing." The nurse snapped the gloves on loudly; Rachel was almost sure she did that on purpose. Rachel squirmed in discomfort as the nurse poked her fingers around for a few seconds, measuring her cervix.

"Looks like you're at nine now. I'm going to get Dr. Burke. Looks like we're gonna have a baby in just a bit." The nurse smiled a toothy grin before disappearing from the room.

"No, no wait." Rachel called after her, another contraction bearing down on her. The epidural she had swore she wouldn't get, but begged for an hour ago, was only barely hiding the pain. "I can't have this baby yet. I'm not ready."

Carole shook her head. "Honey, you can't tell that baby to hold on any longer."

"But Noah's not here." Rachel was clenching her teeth through the pain. "Isn't it enough that I have to do this without Finn?"

"Sweetie, Finn _is_ here. He wouldn't miss this for the world." Carole smiled. "And Puck will be here too, don't worry."

Just as another contraction was coming, Dr. Burke barged through the door, a nurse fastening her gown behind her. She was beginning to feel the urge to push and she knew in her heart she couldn't hold this baby off any longer.

"Ok Rachel let me have one more look." Dr. Burke grinned before shoving her fingers inside Rachel for one last exam. "I can feel the top of the baby's head. "Seems like someone has a lot of hair."

Rachel tried to ignore the enthusiasm in Dr. Burke's voice. She knew she should be excited, but instead she was terrified. Sure Carole was with her and had been very comforting thus far, but it just wasn't the same. It wasn't at all how she imagined the birth of her first child would be.

"Alright Rachel, when the next contraction comes and you feel the urge to push, I want you to take a deep breath and bear down as much as you can. I will tell you when to stop okay?" Dr. Burke instructed.

Rachel nodded absentmindedly, tears beginning to stream down her face. She was trying to concentrate on her breathing while Carole offered her words of encouragement, still rubbing her forehead with the cloth. Rachel felt another contraction coming on just as the door swung open again.

"I didn't miss it, did I?" Puck was panting, doubled over trying to catch his breath. Rachel's face lit up when she saw him, despite the fact that her legs were in stirrups, pain taking over her whole body.

"Where have you been?" Rachel asked, ignoring her doctor's instructions to push. The nurse handed Puck a gown. "Kurt said he called you."

"There was apparently no cell service where we were working. I didn't get his message until we were on our way home. Sam drove like a bat out of hell to get here." Puck fumbled with the thin paper gown.

"Sam's with you?" She inhaled deeply, trying to control her breathing.

"He's in the waiting room with Hummel and Blaine." Puck said. He took his place next to Rachel's head, squeezing her hand tight. Carole gave him a quick smile from the opposite side of the bed before releasing her hold on Rachel's other hand.

"Well I'll be out in the waiting room with the boys." She said softly. Rachel reached for her hand to stop her.

"No, I want you here too." Rachel held her breath for a second. She could clearly see that Dr. Burke was irritated at her for trying to run this show. It was, after all, _her_ baby. "You can't miss the birth of your first grandchild."

"And possibly my only." A single tear slid down Carole's face as she made her way back over to Rachel's side.

"Nonsense, Kurt and Blaine have plenty of time to give you more grandbabies." Rachel smiled, before another contraction hit her hard. Her eyes practically rolled back in her head.

"Rachel you _have _to push. You're distressing this baby by holding off any longer." Dr. Burke ordered.

Puck watched on in awe as Rachel did as she was told. She gave Dr. Burke the three good pushes the doctor wanted and in what seemed like just seconds, a dark haired, wrinkled baby slid into Dr. Burke's waiting arms. He wanted to be disgusted, but he was more amazed at what had just happened. Sure he had been present for Beth's birth, but as a teenager, that was scary and gross. Even the birthing shows and videos Rachel had forced him to watch should be filed under horror. But seeing it in person had been almost amazing.

"It's a beautiful baby boy." Dr. Burke held the baby up for them to see, while a nurse attempted to wipe him clean. She passed the baby to the nurse while she instructed Rachel on what needed to be done next.

"A boy?" Carole gushed. "Finn has a son."

Carole rushed over to the bassinet the baby was in, pulling out her camera, snapping pictures while the nurse weighed and measured him. She couldn't believe how much he looked like Finn when he was a baby.

Puck wiped a piece of bangs from Rachel's sweaty head. He leaned forward, kissing her on top of her head. Rachel was quiet, simply watching the nurses tend to her baby. She couldn't wait to hold him.

"You did great." Puck whispered in her ear. The nurse brought the swaddled baby to Rachel, setting him gently into her cradled arms. Rachel immediately unwrapped him, counting fingers and toes.

"He's beautiful." She said, running her hand along the soft skin of his leg. She wrapped him back up, snuggling him against her chest as she attempted to breastfeed.

"I'm going to give you two a few minutes. I better go tell the boys. Kurt's going to be just a tad disappointed he doesn't have a princess to play dress up with." Carole laughed, stopping just short of the door. "Wait, what name did you decide on?"

Rachel didn't even need to look at Puck for his approval. "Caleb."

"Caleb." Carole repeated.

"Caleb Finn." Rachel smiled, leaning her head against Puck's arm, the dream of Finn she had months earlier fresh in her mind.

"Thank you Rachel." Carole could no longer control her tears. She looked at baby Caleb, so much like his father. She wished Finn was here so he could hold him.

Rachel nodded, smiling to Carole as she watched her mother in law leave the room. Caleb nursed quietly, while Puck sat on the side of her bed. This was all real now. She would be responsible for another human being's life. She looked on as Puck held his hand close to Caleb's. The tiny boy wrapped his finger around Puck's pinky while he continued to suckle. Rachel was so proud of Puck. He had grown up so much just in the last eight months. She knew he would be an amazing father figure to Caleb.

Kurt, Blaine, and Sam all followed Carole back into the room. Rachel had finished nursing and was burping Caleb when they entered. They all gushed over how adorable Caleb was, Kurt even pointing out that he would be quite fashionable no matter his gender. Caleb whined a bit as everyone passed him around, Carole snapping more pictures.

Rachel smiled contently as she looked at everyone around her. Eight months ago she had been in the worst place of her life. She was broken, unable to repair the hole in her heart left by Finn's death. Yet in the end, Finn had given her two gifts…Noah and Caleb.

"_Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal" – Irish headstone_

"_Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never the same." – Flavia Weedn_

**And there you have it, the heart breaking end to this story…though look for an epilogue!**


	19. Epilogue

**I'm actually sad to end this story, though it was heartbreaking to even write. I'm glad you all have enjoyed it & appreciate the overwhelming response I received. Thank you so much! As usual, I don't own Glee or the characters.**

_Three years later…_

Glancing in the mirror, Rachel smoothed her ivory dress. It was simple, just what she wanted. Kurt however wasn't thrilled. He had insisted the color was too similar to white and as he put it "_That ship sailed a long time ago. Everyone's going to know you're obviously not a virgin when your two children walk down the aisle._" Rachel had simply laughed at his ridiculous notion, it was her wedding and she would wear what she wanted.

She stood, her eyes transfixed on the reflection of the gold star necklace around her neck. The necklace Finn had given her so many years before. This was her something old, even if it really wasn't that old. Kurt had provided the something blue; a single hydrangea from his yard tucked into her bouquet. Carole's elegant diamond tennis bracelet Burt had given her for their seventh wedding anniversary was her something borrowed and Puck had given her a beautiful pair of diamond earrings when she worried she wouldn't have anything new.

"You look beautiful." Kurt appeared behind her in the mirror, a grin wide across his face. Rachel's fingers rubbed over the necklace as she turned to face her friend.

"Thank you Kurt." She was trying not to cry. Tina would be furious if she messed up her makeup now. "I know this hasn't been easy for you, but it means so much to me to have your support." Rachel leaned in to hug him, Kurt raising his hand in protest.

"Whoa." He took a step back. "No makeup on this fine jacket and furthermore this isn't a sad day." Noting a look of disappointment on Rachel's face, Kurt instead leaned his head against her shoulder.

"Puck's a lucky guy." He whispered, the sound of running feet quickly interrupting them.

"Mommy." Caleb ran to Rachel, throwing his arms around her waist.

"I tried to keep him out, but he wanted to see you one more time." Carole laughed, slipping through the door behind her grandson. Kurt lowered his hand to Caleb's level, the small boy high fiving him in return.

"Where's Abigail?" Rachel asked, bending down to Caleb, smoothing out his short brown hair. He had the same stubborn cowlick as his father once had.

"I couldn't get her to leave her daddy." Carole smiled. Rachel nodded; knowing all too well how attached the precocious one year old was to Puck.

"Well it's almost time, so you better get your butt in gear and get out to that veranda." Kurt ordered. "Come on Caleb. Let's go find Grandpa and Papa."

The young boy took Kurt's outstretched hand, a small frown on his face. Rachel watched them disappear through the door. Carole waited until they left before turning towards Rachel.

"You know, you'll always be my daughter in law." Carole's bottom lip trembled. "You're like the daughter I never had."

"And you're the mother I never had." Rachel took a deep breath, promising herself silently that she really wasn't going to cry. Carole wrapped an arm around Rachel, careful not to wrinkle her dress.

"You're a wonderful mother to Caleb and Abby." Carole pursed her lips slightly. "And I know you make Puck so happy. Finn would be so proud of you."

"Thank you." Rachel smiled. Losing Finn had never gotten any easier on her mother in law. Rachel knew how much Carole adored Caleb, but she also understood that her darling son was a constant reminder of Finn, not only in looks but personality as well. Some days the dark haired boy with a smidgen of freckles could bring his grandmother to tears with just his crooked smile. "I was so lucky to have had Finn in my life."

"I guess you better get out there before Kurt comes looking for you." Carole pulled Rachel closer once more; sometimes all she needed to hear was that Rachel had not forgotten Finn.

"Have I told you how beautiful you look?" Puck asked Rachel, as he gracefully moved her around the dance floor.

"Only about five times." Rachel playfully giggled. "But I don't mind hearing it again."

Puck pulled Rachel closer, carefully watching his mother from the other side of the dance floor. She was holding Abigail, twirling her in circles as most of the wedding guests watched the Puckermans have their first dance together. Abby squealed in delight as her Nonna snuggled against her neck, sending her into a fit of giggles. Caleb stood on the other side of the room, holding tight to Blaine's raised, outstretched hand, spinning in continuing circles.

"We're still going away, right?" Puck leaned away from her a bit, side eyeing her a bit nervously. "You haven't changed your mind again?"

"Yes, we're still going." Rachel reassured him, though the thought of leaving her children behind frightened her. She knew they were in very capable hands, with Puck's mother taking Abigail and Caleb staying with Carole and Burt while she and Puck enjoyed their honeymoon in Cozumel. It wasn't the exact place Puck wanted to go, but Rachel had insisted on somewhere warm.

Just as the song ended, Sam loudly clanged on a champagne glass, clearing his throat. Rachel grabbed Puck's hand, guiding them towards the table that they were seated at earlier.

"I'm not really great at speeches, but being as I am the best man, I better come up with something quick." Sam announced, looking around the room at the crowd that had gathered around him. "What can I say about this couple that most people don't already know? They've been through a lot, but no matter what…Rachel has always been right."

The soft smile on Rachel's face was suddenly replaced by wide eyes and a gaping mouth. Sam laughed loudly, several other guests joining in. Puck shook his head at his friend, slinging his arm over the back of Rachel's chair.

"I'm kidding. I promise she didn't make me say that." Sam winked at her and Puck. "In all seriousness, these two were brought together for all the wrong reasons, but somehow it ended up being for all the right reasons. I really believe they saved each other."

Puck squeezed Rachel's shoulder, flashing her a smile, before turning his attention back to Sam.

"To Rachel and Puck." Sam held his champagne glass high in the air. "May you continue to bring each other years of happiness."

"And spit out more adorable Jewish babies." Puck's uncle called out from the back of the room. His mother quickly pointing a finger in her brother's direction, shaking her head at the outburst.

Rachel hugged her father's one last time, both telling her how proud they were and reminding her to call them when she and Puck arrived in Cozumel. Puck gave his mother a quick squeeze, begging her not to spoil Abby too much while they were gone. Abby blew her parents kisses; a new trick Puck had just taught her.

"You be a good boy for Grandma and Pop Pop, okay?" Rachel rubbed Caleb's arm. He was in Kurt's arms, his legs wrapped tight around his uncle's waist, his head buried into his neck, sobbing softly.

"I think Grandma has a lot of fun things planned." Kurt tried to coax the young boy into looking up, but it didn't work. Caleb continued to ignore Rachel, his head not budging from Kurt's shoulder.

"Hey buddy." Puck appeared from behind Kurt, his tie loose around his neck. "Your mom is gonna be so sad if you don't tell her goodbye."

Caleb turned his head to peer at Puck, his eyes red and puffy. It broke Rachel's heart to see him so upset, but she had promised Puck she wouldn't change her mind.

"Why can't I come with you Noah?" Caleb whispered.

"Not this time, C-man." Puck sighed. Rachel had done a great job of explaining to Caleb where they were going and why in the weeks and days leading up to the wedding. He had seemed agreeable and excited about staying with his grandparents…until now. "Mom and I promise to take you and Abby on trip after we get back, ok?"

Rachel shot him a disapproving look, she didn't believe in bribing the kids; however she knew Puck often used whatever tactic worked. She saw Caleb's tiny face light up, raising his head off of Kurt's shoulder.

"Ok." Caleb managed a small crooked grin. Wiggling from Kurt's grasp, he threw his arms around Rachel's legs. Rachel bent down, placing a kiss on his cheek.

"I'll call you every night, I promise." Rachel watched her son raise his pinky in the air. He waited calmly for her to present her own. She laughed, placing her own pinky around his. Puck ruffled Caleb's hair before giving Rachel a knowing look, there were going to miss their flight if they didn't hurry up.

Kurt stepped closer to Rachel, allowing her to throw her arms around his neck. He rolled his eyes playfully before squeezing her into a hug.

"Your second wedding was just as beautiful as your first." Kurt whispered in her ear. Rachel smacked him jokingly on his back before breaking away. "You guys have fun."

Rachel intertwined her left arm with Puck's, using her right one to hold up the train of her dress. She waved one last time to the handful of guests that were still milling around.

"You ready to go Mrs. Hudson-Puckerman?" Puck asked.

"I've been ready." Rachel smiled.

**And there you have it! The final chapter to this story. I can't thank you enough for all the support I've received. I know this epilogue was fluffy, but I wanted you all to know things turned out ok for Puck and Rachel despite everything they went through.**


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